Tim's Journal I feel . ("No I don't. Yes I do. No I don't...")
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Wednesday, February 28, 2023
In Baghdad...

"Haha, Hassan! Fear not the pommy bastards!
We'll wipe them out with our new SECRET WEAPON:
The British rail service."

Death of a blog
It is reasuring somehow to know exactly when you will die. But it becomes extremely stressful as you try to squeeze as much sex as you can within the time left.

Haha. I'm not going to die. It's the blog.

In about four months, my visa runs out and I have to return to Asia. After which I suspect this blog will take a really depressing turn. Asia is a very pretty place but if you try to get anything done, it is a real pisser.

So July 1 will be the last day that I post on this blog.

But what I would really like to do is get a job as an internet consultant or ad agency account planner in the States. That's where my services are really needed.

C'mon, it's not as if I'll be mooching off the economy. You guys really need me. There are probably less than 100 people spread throughout the USA who are experts in consumer behaviour, internet behaviour, viral marketing, mass media advertising, marketing and balancing a spoon on the nose.

Tuesday, February 27, 2023
To cap the argument regarding Blogger's disappointing performance, I'll say this:

A lot of Pyra's problems right now stems from not having enough money to buy better equipment and people to stand around and push buttons. Suffice to say Blogger needs dough to keep it running smoothly.

And there is absolutely no good reason why Pyra can't get the dough. They have a proven product which isn't location-specific, with a loyal customer base and thousands of users around the world. A lot of new companies don't start with those advantages. What more could you ask for?!

Hell, if I was Pyra's business manager, I'd have it rolling in $1.2 million of seed money within 4 months. And take it IPO within another three. With a product like that ANY idiot could have it rolling in dough. Which is why I still believe Ev IS worse than an idiot. Because he hasn't got a business consultant yet. Shit, they must be paving the footpath for three blocks out his office by now.

What the hell is he doing?

C'mon Ev. Hire me as a consultant now! I'm a slightly-better-than-idiot business and communications manager. I'll hand over a kick-ass business plan within a month. And we'll take Blogger places.

(And to all the people who say it can't be done, fuck you. Lemme see YOU get off your fat ass, get a decent idea for a dotcom and write a business plan. My ass ain't fat, but hey two out of three ain't bad.)

Content creation
Here are some of the online tools I use and to whose creators I am absolutely grateful.

iStockphoto - Royalty-free photo catalog. High quality. A wide range. Hundreds to choose from. Not all of them have watermarks.
Freestockphotos - Another good royalty-free photo archive. Has an American bent. Plenty of nature shots, space-exploration and government-sponsored shots. But almost no people shots, unlike iStockphoto.
Mediabuilder - Create buttons, logos, banners etc. Also includes Gifworks, a online image editor for gifs and gif89s.
Cooltext - Similar to Mediabuilder in that it helps to create buttons and logos. But offers a different choice of fonts and effects.
MyImager - An online .jpg and .gif manipulator. Also includes a few simple effects like colour removal and colour filling. Has tools like cropping, size and colour reduction.
Dynamicdrive - Loads of javascripts. Just cut and paste for web-idiots like myself.
Hostscripts - Free remote-hosted perl/php scripts. Advertising for most of the scripts can easily be removed simply by omiting them from the cut and paste code.
Resourceindex - All the links to free CGIs you could ask for. Find all the remote hosted or downloadable scripts you could ever need for all the different CGI languages.

Damn. When my iMac blew last week, I thought I would never be able to create websites again. Woo-hoo! I'm back. It's reeeeaaaally slow, but at least I'm back.

Monday, February 26, 2023
The case of the disappearing photo
Erm... is the photo in the Rankpeople.com box disappearing for you too?

Can anybody say Greymatter?
Blogger has held my blog-blog-blogging happiness as hostage for the last time.

I will be actively seeking to learn everything I can about Perl, PHP and Unix systems in order to use Greymatter or another as-yet-unnamed-and-under-beta software I was introduced to just yesterday. It's at use at Blognation.

It's my birthday
They don't write, they don't call... sheeesh.

Saturday, February 24, 2023
New job
Need some real work? Try Adultstaffing.com.

Friday, February 23, 2023
Recorded today
"Can I tell you something," I beckon to her.

She leans toward me.

"I hope you don't find this too forward of me," I said, "but I think your ass looks really good in those jeans."

It was 8am.

We were in the computer lab.

She was the cleaning lady.

And I hadn't slept in over 24 hours.

Make your own boy band complete with first single and lyrics.

I also found this photographer's blog. Pretty decent stuff. I only wish that he would make use of his blog like a photographer's notebook and jot down what aperture setting and equipment (filters, lenses etc) that he uses for each shot. As an amateur photographer I'd be really interested to know.

Or Sharm as we all called her. She was the topic of a phone call I made to Singapore yesterday.

Sharm is a tall and stunning girl with whom I attended Ngee Ann Polytechnic in Singapore during the early 1990s. Like myself she was a restless spirit. She sought out her answers by traveling and shifting from job to job. At one time she was a writer for a woman's magazine, another an advertising executive and one time she got a job as a dancer for a Spanish band at a club she frequented.

As a symptom of her restlessness, she also tried out boyfriends from virtually every country in the world. Most of them were either from South America or Europe. She would rave about each new guy to me before turning around to introduce me to the next one. Sharm came very close to getting married once. But if you knew her like I did, you wouldn't believe for a second that she'd go through with it. I was actually quite relieved when she didn't. The poor guy got circumcised (she's Muslim) and went through umpteenth rituals before she called it off.

We were close for a while. She would take me (more like drag me) to every club she went. And tried to introduce me to all her girlfriends. But I managed to resist every single time. I too couldn't believe that life in Singapore was all there was. A Singaporean's life basically consists of graduating from university, getting a job, getting married, buying a car, buying a house and having exactly two children because the government decreed that housing was running out on the tiny island.

Eventually we went our separate ways. The last time I saw her she was going off on an extended trip around Europe with her latest boyfriend, a German guy. As she left, I could see the growing anxiety in her eyes as she became desperately cynical and bored. I couldn't accommodate her any more than I could accommodate the growing anxiety in myself. A short while later, I was off to Malaysia chasing the promise of a job at the local branch of the New York ad agency BBDO.

I missed her terribly. I thought about calling several times in those seven years. But I was afraid to find her in the same circumstances, reflecting my own fears for myself.

Time and distance have since made me more self-confident and so yesterday I made the call to the flat in which she lived with her aged mother and the rest of her immediate family.

I had made a similar call several months ago and I think her mother picked up the phone. The call was very short and it ended with her answering my query into Sharm's whereabouts with a terse "Brussels!" before hanging up. With much hope, I wrote a postcard to Singapore immediately with my email address and house address, asking Sharm to get in contact with me if she was still in Europe.

I waited and it seemed the postcard never reached her.

So luckily in my second attempt, her sister-in-law received the call. She promised that Sharm called home very regularly and she would pass on my message.

With a bit more luck, I'll be able to see Sharm again soon.

Free nude pics
Want some free nude pics? Got them right here for all persuasions.

Thursday, February 22, 2023
No wonder...
... I light up like Rudolph's nose whenever I consume a drop of alcohol. I, like "50 percent of Asians", could have "an abnormal aldehyde dehydrogenase enzyme".

The WebMD article supposes that there isn't any measure to block the reaction. Haha. Of course there is. It's a serum known pharmaco-logically as "Moralcohol".

Nothing to report
Just playing around with some javascripts I got from Dynamicdrive.com.

Monday, February 19, 2023
Moved the blog
If you're reading this on Monday, then you're probably a regular. Because only those who use the timyang.com domain address are able to read this blog. Blogspot has gone belly up. And with it my regular blog address.

I'm not terribly keen on having the blog permanently on Geocities mainly because all the webrings and blog directories are pointed to the Blogspotty site.

The rain in Spain stays mainly over Bournemouth
Loren sent a URL to the Spanish internet portal Terra.es. It had features on how to hand-in a dissertation in five minutes, how to become an adult and how to stop being a self-flagelating misanthrope.

If only I knew how to read Spanish.

Terra.es also has a feature on the Ms Espana 2001 contest. My money is of course on Ms Ciudad Real because there's nothing I hate more on a beauty queen than fake ciudads.

To borrow a phrase from my cousin Ah Kow, "Haha. Me make fanny!"

Sunday, February 18, 2023
In other news...
My iMac died. The hard disk got corrupted from lack of optimisation. I now have to shell out £69 for a copy of Norton Utilities. It won't arrive till Tuesday.

Damn. In Malaysia, you can get a pirated copy for £2. Those bastards in software companies are killing everyone. When I get back to Malaysia, I have to start a pirated software export business.

Another uncharacteristically-short note
I'm in denial over my dissertation.

I don't know whether I have an extension or not. And I'm too afraid to ask. None of the advisors have mentioned anything to me. Every one is pretending that I still have a chance of handing it in on time.

That leaves me in the limbo of deciding whether my priorities lie with trying to graduate or just trying to learn as much as I can about marketing while I still have full library access and borrowing privileges.

Just thought you ought to know.

On the other hand, my evvviiiiiiiiiilll plan of justifying an extension on the grounds of insanity is about to come into fruition. The student counsellor has indicated her intention of writing a note to the school administration. That ought to be worth a few extra months.

Speaking of the library, I've just spotted several holes in the security that will allow me to steal several very expensive and bloody useful books before I leave school. It requires two people -- one as a red herring and one to walk out with the goods... See? Education is not wasted on me.

(Damn. This was supposed to be a short note... what the hell happened?)

Saturday, February 17, 2023
Wanna see something strange?
Just have enough time today to jot this note: Pyra hasn't updated its directory of last updated blogs since 5 Feb. And guess who's been stuck at the top of the list?

Angry Monkey questions
My name Ah Kow. I Tim cousin come China. I learn Engrish, good yes? This number one time I on inner nit. Cousin Tim tell me give answer for fanny writing. He busy busy very. I happy gift. I now answer Angry Monkey. Haha. You monkey, I Jane. Haha. I make fanny, good yes?

1. To get respect, can you just jump up and down, or do you require the use of a pointy stick?
Stick no need. I has big big gun. Keep in pants. Cousin Ah Sai get gun from good friend in USA. Friend name NRA.

2. How far can you fling your poo? If more than 10 meters, what technique do you use?
I ask Cousin Tim what poo is. Cousin Tim say number two. Haha. 'Poo' rhyme with 'two'. Haha. Ah Kow make pottery, good yes?

3. What mating call do you use?
Ah Kow want new wife, go see old matchmaker. She say Ah Kow no can get new wife. She say Ah Kow first must like Michael Jackson, get new face. Ah Kow sad very very.

4. Does mating call ever exceed 110 decibals?
Yes. Matchmaker loud voice very very. She say Ah Kow no come back. Ah Kow sad very very.

5. Two parter question. Are you the alpha male or the beta male?
Ah Kow no beta male. Ah Kow alway beta female. When horse run, female run faster. No has extra ding-dong slow running.

6. If the alpha male: how many young have you fathered? If the beta male, how often do you masturbate?
Ah Kow alleady say, no beta male. So Angry Monkey must keep masturbate, yes?

7. What kind of grub is your favorite?
Ah Kow no eat grub. Eat monkey brain. Angry Monkey no worry. Angry Monkey Ah Kow friend. No eat Angry Monkey brain.

8. When confronted with a leopard, do you scream and throw grass, run up a tree, or quickly get eaten?
Ah Kow no run. Ah Kow shoot big big gun. Leopard brain taste good like monkey brain.

9. Which is sexier, lice or ticks?
Lice. Ah Kow think lice sexy. How you think all lice from China is colour white? Haha. Ah Kow make Chinese fanny! Angry Monkey no worry. Eat lice! Eat lice!

10. From what distance can you spot parasites on a femaleâs hide?
YOU NO TALK AH KOW SISTER THAT WAY! Ah Kow come you house! Carry big big gun. Soon know Angry Monkey brain taste how!!!

Ah Kow no forget. Cousin Tim say everreaday baddy go see Janice blog. Ah Kow mammary good, yes?

Friday, February 16, 2023
I was happy to receive an express package from Singapore today. Thanks Janice. Mmmmmm. Sooooiiillled. Just the way I like them.

Thursday, February 15, 2023
Janice's questions
Thanks Janice for sending me your questions. I had fun answering them!

1. Why do you want to make horses jealous?
Horses seem to have a better time than me. For instance, women always seem to be shedding their clothes around them. I donât what it is. Perhaps it is the recent heatwave. I present as evidence a picture of my good friend ãBambiä.

"Bambi": Look there's a horse! (Swoosh go the clothes)

Me: That's it. I'm not bringing any more dates to the zoo.

Click for larger picture.

2. What is your favourite font?
Sabon, 12pt. It speaks with the same authority as Garamond. It isnât as regal, but itâs quietly reserved. Any smaller than 12 points and... it becomes unreadable because of its narrow width and... and... hey, youâre not reading this, are you? Youâre still staring at "Bambi's" photo. Women should be bare-foot and pregnant! God sent AIDS to rid us of gays! O.J. did not kill his wife! Blah blah blah.

3. What is your favourite flavour of ice cream?
Pussy. But itâs only available at the Baskin Robbins where my girlfriend works. (ã32 and counting!ä)

4. If you had to eat one dish/food for a week, what would it be?
Ice cream.

5. If you were walking down an everyday pavement and saw a ten-cent coin, would you pick it up?
That would depend on a number of factors. For instance, the time of day, the degree of light reflectivity on the coin and what the #@%* is an everyday pavement.

6. 42?
Ok ya got me. The computer print-out in Hitchhikerâs Guide to The Galaxy said Î42â. But if you divide 42 by three, you get 14. Hahaha. Geddit? Geddit? 14! Hahaha.

7. Do you like it when people type nonsensical questions here for the sake of maybe-getting-their-blog advertised?
Sending me questions isnât the only way to get blogs advertised on this site. I offer a very flexible and affordable plan. The going rate for advertising on this site is one pair of panties. If itâs soiled, Iâll advertise your blog in extra big type. For two pairs Iâll print your address every day for a whole week. Yours were particularly fragrant. Mmmmmm.

8. If you were going to live on a desert island with, surprisingly enough, a phone line and a power source, what one electrical appliance will you bring? (Computers are assumed to come with modems and a service provider, etc.)
I love it when people send me questions with answers attached. You donât happen to be on my board of examiners, do you?

9. Do you watch scary movies late at night, alone, with popcorn? Neither do I.
I think Iâm falling in love with you.

10. Do you think I could have done better with the questions? Well Iâm sorry, itâs late and Iâm not exactly the most creative person in the world, you know.
Please send more panties.

Sorry I couldn't text back Conny, Alex. My mobile doesn't allow international calls!

Thanks Kate! Luvs x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x

Wednesday, February 14, 2023
Conny's question
Valentine's Day is the one day a year when I try not to be so self-absorbed that I forget about the other people in my life. Yeah, I know you're supposed to do the same on Christmas Day, Father's Day and Mother's Day. But I'm not about to get laid by Santa Claus or my parents.

So I'll answer one of Conny's questions that she sent me a while back. (I'll get round to the rest around... around... soon. All the questions you asked require really really long-winded answers.) The question seemed the most appropriate for this occasion.

1. Tell me about the person who influenced your life the most (not including your family).
I was in a really really bad way in secondary school. I was probably the most angrified (note to myself: write to Websters to demand inclusion of new word in next edition) student my teachers ever had. I had a very high IQ and they knew that. And I used that knowledge to my advantage to squash their egos and turn them into blubber with sarcasm and cutting remarks during class.

There was one teacher called Ms Louis who stood out from the rest. She was smart and very very clever. For all I knew she could have been educated in Oxford or Cambridge because she had that public school accent and bearing. But the thing that really intrigued me was that she didn't take shit from me. She matched me one on one. There were some occasions when I could look into her eyes and see she was about to break and then I held back. That's about as much respect as I gave anybody back then.

She taught literature. And I paid attention. We did "Macbeth", "Wuthering Heights" and "Cry, the Beloved Country". I learned to analyse text and subtext and how to use my brain. For once in my life, I listened. And I learned.

The last time I saw Ms Louis was soon after she started a school magazine (I became the photographer). She was very outspoken about the use of school resources to benefit the learning of the students rather than to prettify the surroundings. Eventually, she became so unpopular with the other teachers and with the principal, they managed to get her transfered. In typical Ms Louis fashion, she resigned.

I later learned that she married a beau and moved to London. A few years ago I got her address and wrote her a letter to thank her. In that letter I told her what I'd never told anybody before. I wrote about how much her classes changed my life and how much I admired her. She never replied.

When I came to the UK I found out why. She didn't live there anymore and the landlady couldn't find her forwarding address.

So here's my valentine's to you, Ms Louis (I'll always call her Ms Louis, even though she's married). Wherever you are, may you always inspire. And always kick ass.

Dave's questions
These are the questions Dave posed to me recently. Thanks Dave!

1. Hi Tim. Youâve lived in many different countries. Do you have a favorite one?
Yes. Malaysia. Specifically, its capital, Kuala Lumpur.

2. Why is it your favorite?
Kuala Lumpur isn't like Singapore in the sense that it isn't prettified. (Then again it isn't 3 million people sharing one tiny island and one inferiority complex.) KL doesn't have beaches like Melbourne or Bournemouth. It's land-locked like London. But it isn't cold like those places either. In restrospect, Kuala Lumpurâs appeal for me comes from its vices.

You can buy anything for money there. Drugs, women, pirated software, alcohol, hardcore porn and the police. And they all come cheap. You just have to love a city that inspite of all its short-comings maintains a fundamentalist religious force called the Syariah Polis which takes upon itself the task of busting wayward Muslims whose numbers make up two-thirds of the population and are all offenders of at least half of the tenets of the Prophet Mohammad. Here's an example of how effective they are. A few years ago, a small group of Syariah Polis arrived at a well-publicised beauty contest held in a club in which many of the contestants were Muslim women. Then they waited till AFTER the skimpy swimsuit contest to arrest (get this) only the women. The faces of the men at the contest were not even allowed to be shown in the media because they were (get this) family men with responsiblities.

Kuala Lumpur is to humourists what Dan Quayle is to... urm... humourists. But if you stay too long, itâll become so funny youâll choke to death from the fits of spasm.

3. Have you ever been to the USA?

4. If you have visited (or lived in) the USA, did you enjoy it?
Only through those great tasting beer commercials which are less filling and, er, taste great.

5. Do you agree with the following statement: Frank Sinatra is/was the greatest entertainer in modern history?
Certainly not. The worldâs greatest entertainer is modern history is Michael Kent. He sings, dances, acts, plays the guitar, the piano, performs magic tricks and tells jokes. (The fact that he cannot do any of those things is exactly why heâs so entertaining.)

6. Did you cry when Frank Sinatra passed away?
Frankâs dead?!

7. Do you enjoy the music of Mel Torme?
What Christmas would be complete without The Christmas Song ("Chestnuts roasting on an open fire...") which was co-authored by Mel Torme and Robert Wall for Nat King Cole. I'm afraid that's the only piece of Mel's work that I am familiar with.

8. What is your favourite aspect of living in SW England (weather, culture accents, etc)?
My favourite aspect about SW England is that it isnât San Francisco where according to SF Weekly they hold a Faux Queen Pageant. A-WHAT?! Well, an offline Reuters article explains that it is currently the world's only pageant contest for drag queens who had the misfortune to be biological females and thus not technically qualified to be drag queens. A contestant who went by the name of 'Gotta Slott' has an interesting take on it. She was quoted as saying that the contest was about "reclaiming the terms by which women are defined". Geez. The women in San Francisco sound so humiliated.

(If you are a woman, feminist or live in San Francisco, send all complaints to Tim.)

9. Why is my webpage not as interesting (or interactive) as yours?
Sorry, bud. I am the least credible person on the topic of making interesting webpages. I'm not a web-designer. Iâm just a guy who likes to write.

10. When are you going to settle down with a nice girl, move into a white-picket-fence house, and have kids?
Probably never. Iâm not the marrying kind. But I say probably because I'm totally open to having a spouse who is a filthy rich bitch and only wants me for sex. What can I say? Under this gruff exterior, beats the heart of a slut.

Sunday, February 11, 2023
Look! Look! Look!
Mmmm... SLR digital camera with swivel LCD... mmmmm. $322. Doh!

(oops... there goes the load time again...)

Saturday, February 10, 2023
More tweaking
Halved the load time of this site according to the Website Garage diagnostic from 28sec to 14sec for 56k connections. And this despite adding more content: the daily jokes and the daily horoscope. I rule! :-)

Fight tournament
My trainer, Sert, invited me to attend a Birmingham muay thai tournament in March. I was flattered but I had to turn him down because the date is just a day before my dissertation is about to be handed in. I won't be in prime shape by that time either since I'll be spending more time reading and writing instead of fight-training.

I've promised myself that one of these days I will have to fight in Europe. It will be a cinch. I have two advantages over all the fighters in Europe in my weight category (130lbs training weight, 120lbs fighting weight).

I'm 5'11" whereas European fighters at 120lbs will be 5'6". That means I have better reach and I can smash my elbow into their craniums, collar-bones and shoulder bones whereas they won't be able to do the same to me. I have a natural 3% body-fat-to-mass ratio whereas European diets result in their fighters having a 8-10% fat ratio. That means I can pack more muscle into my fighting weight. It will be a David vs Goliath thing. And for once in my life I get to be Goliath! Heheheh.

I also have a psychological advantage. All the fighters I go up against will think I'm Thai -- the best muay thai fighters in the world. (Sert is the only Thai I know and having him as my trainer will add to the illusion.)

Fighting in Europe will be so sweeeeeettt!

Friday, February 09, 2023
I've got a new domain
This blog can now be accessed at timyang.com. Had to pay %^&!!! Namezero $30 for the privilege or else they were going to sell it to some other %^&%^$%!!! Tim Yang.

I'm also working on moving the blog to my Geocities account so that the advertising won't show any more. But I think I'm getting rather fond of the ad-bar actually. My new website design was going to take it into account and make it a feature of the site :-) Me and my kooky design ideas.

I've also found this strange blog. I've got a funny feeling I shouldn't be looking at this blog on the university computer... Besides which, eyeballing discreetly glancing at the pictures on the blog makes me feel like a hundred years old. Brrr!

For those who came late...
There has been a rather interesting discussion in my Blogvoices. It actually stems from a post in Alexis' blog a couple of weeks back in which he posts an entry regarding his wifely relations.

It became a source of contention between his wife and he when some readers contacted her about it. Anyway, he phrases it better on his blog.

What I really want to say is that he doesn't really mean that Americans are stupid. Hahaha. What a kidder! Or that kids are annoying. Hahaha. He just likes to yank people's chains. Well, that's Alexis for you. A barrel of laughs every time! Hahaha.

So everybody, you can put those stones down now. Niiiiccceeee and slooooowwww. Gently. Gently. Thaaaaaatttt'ssss gooooooodddd. You too, sir. That's a really smart-looking firearm. Could I see that please? Hand it over. Thaaaaaankkk youuuuuu.

Thursday, February 08, 2023
Questions from Julie
Thanks for the questions, Julie. I had fun! (BTW, could you let me know what the address of your blog is.) Anyways, here are those answers you wanted :-)

1. If you could be any animal, what would it be?
An elephant.

2. Why would you be that animal?
They make horses jealous.

3. What do you find the most annoying sound?
My own voice.

4. Do you hum along to elevator music?
Well, that depends. You see...




(Er.. sorry. Furball.)

Now where was I? Ah yes... The concept of elevator music goes back to the 1920s when Colonel George Squier started the Muzak Company to create background music that might induce more productivity in factory workers. This formula-mastered music was nicknamed muzak after Squier's studio.

When the elevator was invented, Colonel Squierâs invention was used to calm the fears of elevator riders about the safety of elevators while they rode it. Hence the name ãelevator musicä. The thing is, Colonel Squier and I share a fondness for the compositions of George and Ira Gershwin.

So if an elevator is playing a muzak adaptation of the Gershwin songbook, like "Let's Call the Whole Thing Off" or "Someone to Watch Over Me", I might actually hum. Then again, I might also play air guitar and scream, ãYOU DA MAN, IRA!ä or ãROCK ON, GEORGE!ä The moral of the story is: donât ride elevators with me if you embarrass easily.

5. If you were one of the three wise monkeys, which would you be?
Whichever one makes horses jealous.

6. Whatâs your biggest fear?
That one of these days Iâm going to stop making horses jealous.

7. What attracts you to a female?
All the qualities my girlfriend has.

8. No seriously, what attracts you to a female?
The endearing, attractive and totally sweet ability to read over my shoulder while I type.

9. If the world ended tomorrow, what would you like to be doing?
Having the last laugh at BBC 1âs weather anchor.

10. Out of these things, which would you like to be: Respected, Loved, Feared or Worshipped?
Worshipped. By elephants.

Wednesday, February 07, 2023
Updated bio
Placed both the copywriter and account planner editions of my resume in .pdf and .html format on my bio page. What can I say? I'm schizophrenic.

Now that's the epitome of wanton hope, isn't it? That anybody would want to hire me after reading this blog. :-)

Questions from Mitch
Thanks to dedicated reader Mitch who posted these questions to me. Thanks, Mitch! I had fun.

1. Why do you blog?
I blog for a variety of reasons. a) I hate myself; b) I hate myself; c) I hate myself; and, you guessed it, d) there was nothing else to watch on TV.

2. Do you censor yourself when you blog?
Now thatâs a [bleep] and [bleeping] question to ask, you [bleeping] [bleep] [bleep].

Haha. No, seriously.

What I do isnât so much censorship as it is editing. I often begin writing with a particular message, mood or a reflection of myself that I want to communicate. After I post, I could spend as much as 30 minutes reading, re-reading, correcting badly-turned phrases, grammatical errors and spelling mistakes. Iâll edit as much as any half-decent writer in order to succinctly communicate the exact meaning and mood that I want to convey to my audience.

Of course, if I left the kinds of mistakes in my publications as a copywriter as I do on my blog, I would probably lose my job. Which is why yesterday I opened a duplicate but private blog which will allow me to edit new material in a simulated environment before posting on this blog. So from now on you'll only see the final edition, not the work-in-progress.

3. Is it normal to see the moon in the day?
I donât know. I never look up.

4. Who reads your blog?
Well, thereâs Alex, Conny, Alexis, Donna, James, Carrie, Kerry, Richard, Rhiana, Yardsale, Cenith, Lisa and yourself. And of course a whole bunch of ghost readers whom you might be able to discern by examining my counter details.

If you do, youâll notice that many of the readers are Mac-users. I maintain an avatar named Worg on a multi-player online role-playing game (MORPG) called Clan Lord that is currently only available on Macs. I know Alex, Conny, James, Alexis and Donna from there. And the others have arrived at this blog much like yourself, quite by accident, like sooooo many lemmings.

5. Do you hide your blog from anyone?
I donât actively hide it. But Iâve never announced it to anyone whom I know offline. Blogging works for me on the same level as confessing to total strangers. I enjoy the audience, and I presume the audience enjoys my stories. Yet there is always that personal distance between us which I must admit is a source of comfort. If I ever do tell anyone offline that I have a blog, which I might if Iâm seeing someone seriously, Iâll also add a clausal warning NOT to let me know that theyâre reading it.

6. Do you floss? If not, why not?
Thatâs actually two questions. So Iâll only answer one of them. And the answer is: 14.

7. Do you point anyone in particular to your blog?
Iâve registered this blog on the Blogger search directory, on Weblog, on Bloghop, on Blogstart and on a number of webrings, such as webloggers. So the only people whom I point this blog to are pygmy hunters in Brazil who go by the name of 'Fred'.

8. Do you send messages to friends by way of your blog?
Iâll give you the answer to that after you sign my guestbook, Mitch.

9. Any opinion on ÎLifehouseâ?
I went to the official website for Lifehouse and got a free Realplayer copy of their single "Hanging by a Moment". It's very radio-friendly and it makes me wish I could have heard more of their album. I found this Kiwibox message board with a topic on Lifehouse and I'd have to agree with the general consensus of the posters that this band has potential. Certainly a band that can claim to tour with Pearl Jam must be worth listening to.

10. Is it snowing where you are?
It never snows in hell.

Tuesday, February 06, 2023
Terrible news
Have you heard the terrible news? A BBC news report published the story that Tom Cruise and Nicole Kidman have split without printing Nicole's telephone number. Journalism has gone to the dogs, I tells ya.

Questions from Starfruit
Iâd like to thank Starfruit for visiting the blog and for giving me the opportunity to answer these questions. I had fun.

1. Do you eat your desert first?
Hmm. Chocolate cake. Salad. Chocolate cake. Salad. CHOCOLATE CAAAAAKKKEE!!!

2. What is the most romantic thing youâve ever done?
Iâll tell you the most amazingly romantic story ever. Right after I make it up.

Haha. No, seriously.

Iâll explain. During childhood, I had to kill every ounce of any ability to feel love or affection within me in order to survive those years with my sanity intact. It sounds like a drastic measure, but it was either that or actually facing up to my problems and resolving them. What can I say? When youâre six years old, youâve got shit for brains.

On a consolation note, I did once pursue a girl for several years unrelentlessly. For three whole years, I refused to give up on her until one day we did go out on our first date. I managed that by dropping vague hints to her best friend until her best friend got so fed-up that she asked her out for me. Works every time.

3. Are you prompt?
Urm... no.

4. What is your dream job?
Right now, my dream job is being the director of my own dotcom. I'd love to work on the internet. Of course I could simply be an internet consultant. But I also want to own a piece of the internet.

Currently, Iâm working with a team of experienced business consultants to raise money for a pure play dotcom concept I have. The development team is ready and the business plan is printed. The only things I can tell you are that it is a holistic concept bringing together trends in consumer behaviour and internet use. It also deals in part with Macintosh retailing. So you would be correct in your assessment that it is doomed.

5. Do you like (in no particular order): Donny Osmond, David Cassidy, John Travolta (and all other things Î70s)?
The only things I like from the 70s are ÎAlienâ and ÎStar Warsâ. I donât own a pair of bellbottoms or tight leather pants. But I think I did have an afro once. When youâre running around naked and drooling most of the time, itâs hard to be picky about how your mom dresses you.

6. Have you experienced recurring depression, anxiety attacks etc?
Yes. Youâre not alone in that. I get depressed even thinking about being depressed. And thatâs depressing. Oh damn, I think youâve got me started again.

7. Do you have a good Thai recipe?
Yes. Buy a Thai chicken from Sainsburyâs. Microwave for 8 minutes on high. Remove packaging. Serve. (I also make a killer spaghetti sauce with authentic all-natural Italian ingredients and no artificial preservatives, flavouring or colouring. Ask me about it sometime.)

8. Do you have any advice for me? Iâve got a troubled mind!
Let me share with you something the almighty Dogbert once told me. You should find people who are stupid and ugly and hang around them. By comparison youâll look really good and feel really good for it. You can also point at them and make fun of them. It sounds mean and callous but it is actually a very uplifting experience. Take it from one who knows. I do it all the time. Every morning when I have a shave.

9, How do YOU reconcile that Îlife is shortâ in your mind?
I always remind myself that Îlife could be shorterâ. But recently I had to discontinue that practice when it stopped sounding reassuring and started sounding appealing. This happened around the same time my therapist banned me from wielding sharp objects. I do not know why.

10. If you wanted to attain something, but fear held you back, and the occasional depression/anxiety attack... how would you ensure you met that goal, despite hang-ups?
That is a good question. And I will give you a good answer as soon as I take one or two million of these Prozacs.

Relationship marketing on the internet
During interactive media class yesterday, Mike Molesworth, the lecturer was talking about how companies and dotcoms were taking advantage of some features of the internet and using them to build relationships with their customers.

The internet can deliver one-to-one communications at a cost effective and time-efficient manner (eg through mass mailing). The internet is perfectly suited to collect information through questionaires and to build databases through bots. And unlike services which involve human interaction at many stages of the fulfilment process, the internet can deliver more consistent, faster and more convenient service through automated processes.

Then the lecture moved onto how the internet could be used to compete and to disrupt a competitorâs relationship with its customers. For example by providing fast database update services that make it convenient for customers to switch to another service with just a simple mouse-click.

ãNow can anyone tell me,ä asked Mike, ãhow you think Yahoo might get its hands on Hotmailâs customers?ä

ãWell,ä said a small voice at the back of the class (I think it was mine), ãthey could buy Hotmail.ä

Hmm. Don't think that was the answer he was looking for.

Monday, February 05, 2023
I got the shock of my life when I tested my bio page just now. It had pictures of me pasted all over the background. I'm vain, but geez that was too much. I'm terribly sorry for that mistake. Now the 10 people who visited the page in the last 24 hours will think I'm narcistic. Argh!

And I also apologise for writing that long-winded post down there. It won't happen again. I re-read it just now and I said,"Who in the hell writes long-winded posts like that. Oh, it is I."

$£%$£%£$$£!!! Blogger ate my archives
For some strange reason or other all my entries before February have disappeared.

Baby organs: a public relations perspective
[warning: long-winded news media analysis post]

There is another controversy in the UK and all the talk show hosts are having a field day.

A couple of weeks ago, a government inquiry board released a report on reports that Alder Hey hospital had been harvesting organs from cadavers of babies without permission from the parents. The organs were then either kept in storage in a warehouse facility in Alder Hey or given to pharmaceutical companies for medical research. It is believed that Alder Hey received some remuneration for their donation. Although it is not stated in news reports, it is unlikely that the organs were offered for transplant because of the strict regime involved in organ transplant donation.

The controversy arose when the parents of the babies shocked that pieces of their beloved babies were taken out of them and began a pressure group, alerting the media to their pain.

The issues have farther reaching consequences than a group of aggrieved parents. It seems that the baby organ transplants programme of the NHS is under more pressure. They claim that organ donation has become drier than the drought it is already suffering from since the story of Alder Hey leaked two years ago. And the NHS (National Health Service) is looking for someone to blame.

A pathologist was quickly identified by the media, through the Alder Hey report, as the person who ordered the organ retention policy. His name is Professor Dick van Helzen. It also arose that van Helzen has falsified some documents to expedite the harvesting.

At the government inquiry, van Helzen, a Dutch national, defended his policy by saying that the children were "much too precious to die without making use of every single scrap of information which could help the next child."

Unfortunately, he did not stick to that line when he gave his first and only interview last night -- to BBC TV news. Instead, he seemed under a great deal of stress from the glare of media pressure. He did not come off well. He began blaming the management of the hospital and the management of the NHS for mismanagement and lack of support that led to him making the decisions that led to the harvesting. What's more, the reporter seemed intent on painting a bleak picture of van Helzen by focusing on his nervousness which irritated van Helzen even further.

I'm not saying that what van Helzen did was right. But he cannot waste time focusing on anything else but the main issue at stake: the lives of children.

In order to do that, van Helzen has to take control of the situation and his public image and stop allowing the new media to ride rough-shod over him. He must realise that the party who is most concerned with the issue is neither the parents, nor the public inquiry board, nor the news media, nor the NHS. Rather, it is the uninvolved general public.

Therefore he needs to

a) hire an experienced public relations consultant who can act as his spokesperson and control his news media image

b) stay calm. Nothing convinces the public of guilt more than a nervous person.

c) stop giving interviews. He's terrible at them. And besides which, the news media seems to be taking the side of the aggrieved parents.

d) stick to his altruistic I-did-it-for-the-greater-good-of-all-the-living-children defence, when he gives his testimony, instead of trying to drag the NHS and Alder Hey hospital down with him. He will look better in the eyes of the public for it.

e) realise that the decision of the public inquiry will be coloured by the mood of the public. He needs to win the general public over in order to survive.

f) bring the level of emotion down. High-running emotions do not help his case.

g) get the parents of babies whom he has saved with his research into cot death to vouch for him in calm TV news interviews so as to shift the focus to living children.

h) try to get photos of him with happy children in his arms and happy parents beaming at him to the news media. He needs to communicate that parents do have trust in him.

i) try to communicate his expertise with pathology to build credibility. He needs to explain all the work he has done in children's medicine and to explain the results in terms of lives saved.

j) get the pharmaceutical companies to explain what research they used the organs for and how they benefited the medical profession and the lives of other children and their parents.

Footnote: I'm starting to think that the forced resignation of Peter Mandelson was timed to coincide with the release of the government inquiry in order to wag the dog.

Sunday, February 04, 2023
More question fun!
I had to scale back the number of questions on the question form to 10. The task of thinking of 20 appropriately interesting questions seems rather daunting. I tried it and found myself having to rely on inspiration from interview websites.

Here's 10 from Rhiana. Thanks, Rhiana!

1. What do you think of Pearl Jam?
Honestly, I don't know much about them except that their music is a cross between rock and punk. Now that you bring it up, I would be interested in listening to their music.

So I've placed their debut album on my Amazon.com wishlist to remind me to get a copy.

2. Who is your favorite writer?
I don't really have one actually. But I can tell you that one of the most memorable books I've read is The Giving Tree by Shel Silverstein. Although often sold as a children's book because of it's style of illustrations and prose, it's a poignant tale written for adults. It's story is about life-long friendship that goes beyond simply giving and taking.

3. How old are you?
I am 27.

4. Have you heard of Jeff Buckley?
No actually I haven't. I had to go on the internet to research him. He's not mainstream, but he's got such a following that Yahoo have dedicated an entire category to him.

On Amazon.com, a reviewer wrote: "Resembling at times a soft-sung Robert Plant, Buckley was an intuitive vocalist capable of dizzying arabesques and choir-boy sweetness. He is joined here by a tight band for 10 tracks highlighting his stylistic range--Pearl Jam bluesy on 'Eternal Life', impossibly serene on Leonard Cohen's 'Hallelujah', art-school noisy on 'So Real', Led Zep daring on 'Mojo Pin.'"

I figure anybody who covers Leonard Cohen must be interesting enough to listen to. And I've placed his Grace album on my Amazon wishlist.

5. Do you have any goldfish?
Nope. I had terrapins once. Once.

6. Do you like peppermint tea?
That depends entirely on my mood. It's certainly not an everyday drink for me. Personally, my favourite infusion tea would be chrysanthemum. Chrysanthemum tea has always been popular among Chinese and I like because it is naturally sweet.

7. Is your car of choice a Dodge Dart?
No. If I could drive, my car of choice would be an Audi TT Sportster in a chrome colour. Yeah, I'm not very adventurous in my taste in cars. But then again, I've never experienced a ride in a Dodge Dart.

8. What was the name of your first crush?
I think it was Vernetta Lopez. She was a girl in my class at secondary school. Very pretty. Went onto success with a TV comedy show in Singapore. She married another local Singapore celebrity a few years ago. I haven't been back to Singapore in the last few years so I wouldn't know if they're still married.

9. Have you read anything by Sylvia Plath?
Again, I had to research Sylvia Plath before I could answer this one. I read a review in the New York Times of her semi-autobiography, The Bell Jar, and I get the impression that she's trying to say that the bell jar represents the struggle that we all face against ourselves that plays out within ourselves. And that the bell jar often tips over us and eventually dourly suffocates us.

Sounds interesting. I've placed it on my Amazon wishlist.

10. If you are what you eat, what are you most of the time?
I eat chicken. Therefore I am.

I've just completed a bio of myself and I've placed it on the menu link with my name on it. Promise not to laugh.

Cascading style sheets
Spent some time last night practicing the defining and use of cascading style sheets as well as tables. I'm confident enough to be able to put it on my resume.

I also planned out the look of the site. But I won't be attempting to implement it so soon because if I know me, I'll get too obsessed with it... for several days.

Now... can anyone tell me why in the hell Netscape 4.6 in both Macintosh and PC ignores a lot of style commands (eg when I define table widths and set some font sizes in a style-sheet, it ignores it).

Saturday, February 03, 2023
Javascript screw-up
To all those who tried to get into the site on Saturday and couldn't, my apologies. There was a screw-up with the server of the counter I was using. I suspect they went down because the log shows no visitors since 4am. And every time the javascript was called up, it took ages to confirm that the counter script could not properly execute and subsequently some connections timed out.

I have removed the counter.

20 questions
Somebody took advantage of the 20 questions form I put on the menu.

1. What is the integer between 19 and 21?

2. What is your favourite food, if any?
Tom-yam soup. It's a spicy clear soup originally from Thailand.

3. Would you find pornography as erotic if you could see a fresh (non-decomposing) corpse in the background?
You are one sick, sick puppy. Let's just say that it is about as erotic as two swallows trying to mate in sub-zero weather and not being able to extricate themselves till spring.

4. Have you ever considered moving to Canada?
Yes. I have often considered moving to Australia.

5. Are you curious about cannibalism?
Only if a naked woman suggests it.

6. Do good things happen to good people?
I only wish it did. Then all the Christian fundamentalists would all be able to go to heaven and leave us poor sinners alone on Earth.

7. Do you find it difficult to think up more than eight vaguely intimate questions?
It's ok. It's not your fault. Not everyone has to be good at maths.

8. Have you ever had a member of the same sex cause you to question your sexual orientation?
Yes, often. Now, ask me if I'm being sarcastic.

9. Who was your favourite character from Sesame Street?
Oscar the Grouch. He was green, hairy and unknown to most viewers he had a huge 20" dick underneath his trash can.

10. Are you familiar with the writings of Bertrand Russell?
Hmm... lemme recall... He was the 20th century mathematician and philosopher who with a theory called Russell's Paradox tried to show that mathematics was a subset of philosophy and not the other way around. Either that or he was the jerk who wrote notes into the book on consumer behaviour I just borrowed from the library.

11. Do you think my questions suck?
No. I usually type with my eyes closed. (Just kidding. :-)

12. In twenty words or less, what is your opinion on women?
Mmmmm.... womeeeeeen....

13. In what direction does your penis slant while erect, if any?

Content is king
That is the worst reason I have ever heard of to excuse the lack of an ability to come up with a decent design concept or design communication for a website.

Yeah, I'll be the first to admit that this page still doesn't look as good as a lot of the pages that were created by web designers. But what do I know. I'm not a web designer. Content is king! Content is king!

Friday, February 02, 2023
I am also a violator
Namezero has just sent me warning letters to say that I've violated some part of my contract with them so they are taking back my free domains. Anybody want timyang.com or ghorakzo.com?

I've gone catabolic
Catabolism is a process in the human body when your muscles, not getting enough nutrition, start to convert themselves to energy. It's part of the human body's natural system of checks and balances to ensure that it does not expend more energy than it should.

But it is a body builder's worst nightmare. Basically, it means I'm shrinking and I've lost weight. All thanks to the lack of appetite from the depressive state I've been in. Hmph.

I've got to fix that manic-depressive problem before starting my next round of training. Damn. I used to be able to press my own body weight in squats. Now I've got to re-adjust that back by 40lbs to compensate for the loss of muscle tissue.

I'm also turning out to be a liar. I said two days ago that I would stop blogging in order to concentrate on studies. So what do I do? I go out and borrow a book on HTML and dynamic HTML in order to make improvements to the blog site.

And I can't stop writing... argh! Once these babies get on a keyboard, they just move all on their own.

Thursday, February 01, 2023
I need to get a digital camera
When I get back to work, the first thing I need to get is a digital camera. I can't stand not having the ability to pepper my pages with photos of everything around here.

My dad died not too long ago. I didn't attend his funeral because I didn't feel like it. It's like me going to the funeral of Bob Hartlet, someone I don't know and whose email address I have just made up. My dad was a nasty person who treated everyone like crap and had no understanding of how to communicate or had any empathy for anyone other than himself. (Hmm... maybe that's where I got all those traits from.)

My childhood could be easily turned to a whopping sequel to Tobias Wolfe's "This Boy's Life" or a Dickensian "Oliver Twist", if only my therapist would agree to hypnotise me to remove the memory blocks I'd placed there years ago. I even offered to cut her in on my royalties.

I stay in contact with Elaine, my dad's second wife. I like her a lot. She married him several years after my mom and dad got divorced. And the two of them discovered religion together and became staunch supporters of their church. She is a loving and caring person which is why I tolerate (and am amused by) her numerous attempts to convert me to Christianity.

"Tim, why didn't you come to your father's funeral?"

"I didn't like him."

"Why not?"

"To me he was a stupid and worthless person.


"I know you don't like to hear me saying that, Elaine, but I know I'm not the only person to tell you that. I like you and I don't want to hide the truth from you. ... Hmm... perhaps I should hide the truth from you because I do like you. Well, it's too late, the cat's out.

"But there is one thing he did right and that was to marry you. And he introduced us. In marriage, the two of you became as Kurt Vonnegut put it "a nation of one". You were both one half of a distinct personality who eventually melded together to form one. And I mean that in a nice way.

"You became his connection with the real world. His crutch on whom he relied so heavily. I can tell he changed a great deal from the day he met you. Your counsel and your friendship made him a better person, even if in the end he didn't become a good person. I want you to know that I value you for that. For giving my dad a chance."

And at that moment, in Elaine, I found my salvation in a little forgiveness for the poor stupid bastard.

© 2000 - 2001
Tim Yang

Here lie the thoughts and adventures of a guy trying to get through life. After hours, he's a muay thai fighter and body builder. During the day, he's an ad agency copywriter. Other- wise he spends his time watching loads of movies, tinkering with his dotcom and trying to appreciate literature.
(This is also the home of the 10 Questions thingy.)

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Tim Yang
6 St John's Road
Bournemouth BH5 1EL
United Kingdom
Mobile: +447713255663

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