|Tim's Journal I feel . ("No I don't. Yes I do. No I don't...")
Thursday, March 29, 2023
You may have noticed that for the past month I haven't been quite myself. Actually I haven't been quite myself for the past three months. No, no, no. I take that all back. In truth, I don't even know who the hell I am.
I go through the "Who the hell are you and how did you get in here!"
routine every morning.
Ever heard of the I-love-myself-I-hate-myself complex? Imagine the
Tasmanian Devil with that and, well, you have me.
It's all rather confusing. So I have decided to take my frustration out
on all of you. Yup, I've decided to revamp my blog.
Oh, this one will still be here but I'll be updating on timyang.com. That's my new site.
I decided to call it the edge in reference to a fairly decent movie but
a much better book about a woman who lives on the edge of her own
self-destruction. Some say that her story is about the life of those who
grow up in an over-priviledged environment and the corruption of drugs and
other forms of abuse. I think it was rather about the bravery of a person
who reached an epiphany of her own identity and about the bravery of
stepping away from the edge of self-abuse. You'll probably get it when you
see the design.
The tone of the new blog will be slightly different. It will be
significantly less interactive and more like most other blogs. In other
words, pretty damned boring. Sorry, I don't pull any punches. That's just
Hey, that's right. That IS me! Heck, this new blog is starting out pretty good already.
Tuesday, March 27, 2023
Have to remember to stop posting personal stuff on the blog.
There are just too many sickos masquerading as doctors wandering around
here. I mean, when was the last time you ever met a doctor who gave free
Get a life, you sicko!
Monday, March 26, 2023
Escape from the asylum!
Assertiveness simply put is the social skill with which one asserts his or her rights without impinging on those of others. As a skill it isn't always well-performed, but when it is, assertiveness is a form of respect for the rights of others and the acknowledgement of one's own rights. Assertiveness isn't a social norm like good or evil, but like those two, it is best understood in relation to two very extreme forms of assertiveness -- passiveness and aggressiveness.
(By the way, I just made up the previous paragraph. But that's
basically what assertiveness is.)
The reason why I bring this up is because of the epiphany I had a few
days ago that I am assertive. And it seems I have always been.
Up till last week, I always thought I was a passive/aggressive sort of
personality. I was often moody and depressed, resulting in a
"oh-who-gives-a-damn" kind of passiveness. Or else I would lose my temper
and give in to a "are-you-some-kind-of-idiot" aggressiveness. As such I'd
been led to believe that I was simply not a nice person. This
self-impression weighed so heavily on me that I sometimes became even more
passive or aggresive to compensate.
My therapist pointed out that assertive people have numerous abilities.
One is the ability to say "no" and are able to articulate in a calm manner
the reasons why and without guilt. Another is the ability to weigh up the
consequences from the point of view of others before making decisions. The
third is to honestly and succinctly articulate one's feelings while
acknowledging the feelings of others at the same time. Fourth, is the
ability to express one's own opinions while calmly acknowledging the
points of view of others.
Strangely enough, that's exactly what I'd always tried to do.
I'd always thought that was the only intelligent way to behave.
However, I'd always been surrounded by passive/aggressive personalities
who thought that because I'd often tried to articulate my opinions that I
was aggressively argumentative; because I didn't always follow the
well-beaten path and tried to reason out better or simpler methods that I
was too rebellious; because I often said "no" -- usually to ill-considered
decisions or arguments -- that I was a trouble-maker; because I spoke my
mind and tried to reason sometimes against the consensus that I wasn't a
team-player. Admittedly sometimes I'd be a bit too aggressive, but I
quickly realised that that tack might wear down others quickly in the
short run but wasn't useful in the long-run because it tended to spoil
working relationships. So I trained myself to watch moods and gestures and
earmarked habits and twitches for tolerance levels.
When I looked back I realised that my passive and aggressive moods were
actually an extremely minor part of my personality but seemed huge because
of that numerous occasions that people seemed to point them out. And
what's more they were evident only after troubled periods of which
consisted of, oh, about 0.001% of the time.
What a relief it is to find out that I AM NORMAL!!!
Woo-hoo! Yee-haa! Kick my heels and call me daddy!
I'd been carrying that false impression of myself for the last fifteen
years! (That's what you get when you grow up in an Asian society and
upholds the ability to submit to authority without question as an ideal.)
It's a fantastic to feel that weight lifted off me.
But this epiphany is so fragile. Which makes it even more imperative
that I never never never go back to work in Asia ever again and that I
find a social setting which promotes assertiveness rather than the
passiveness that tends to thrive in Asian cultures.
Whew! Gotta send out more resumes.
Saturday, March 24, 2023
Can anybody guess which Anne Murray song this was in reference to?
Cast Away (2000), starring Tom Hanks, directed by Robert Zemeckis, produced by Dreamworks SKG.
The theme of Cast Away is the control that we exert in this modern life. Or rather it is the loss of it. This theme is vocalised in one of the last scenes as the protagonist, Chuck Noland, reminisces over his time as a cast away and admits to a colleague that "I couldn't even kill myself the way I wanted to. I had control over nothing."
Chuck (played by Tom Hanks) is set up as the master of his own world.
He is a powerful man who travels around the world trouble-shooting for his
employer, FedEx. He lords his power over his Russian colleagues,
chastising them in a demeaning manner regarding punctual deliveries ("Let
us not commit the sin of turning our back on time!"). Chuck has
demonstrably mastered the one thing that has eluded Presidents, kings,
scientists and philosophers for thousands of years. He has mastered
It is during a Christmas dinner scene with his fiancee's family that we
get foreshadowing of what is to befall Chuck. The sudden missive sent via
his pager instantly removes his visage of power and control over his own
life as he is called back to work. He attempts to re-negotiate control in
the following scene as he coordinates his schedule with that of his
fiancee, but the damage has been done as Chuck slips away into the night
on a Boeing bound for Malaysia.
The viewers are clearly aware of the irony of his promise that he "will
be right back". But it lessens none of the anticipation as Chuck's plane
subsequently runs into a tropical rainstorm and crashes into the sea which
washes him onto an island devoid of all life except plant matter.
Chuck lives four years on this island. And we see how he has to come to
terms with his new lifestyle and to relearn all the most fundamental
skills of survival. Slowly the scenes drum in the one lesson that the
film-makers wanted to the viewers to leave the cinema with. "I have to
keep breathing. Because tomorrow the sun will rise. Who knows what the
tide could bring?" espouses Chuck after his ordeal. Yet it seems rather
clumsily done, almost as if it were subliminal programming to pave the
road to the Oscar's. It is nevertheless an effective lesson that many of
us would do well to learn.
After watching the movie, it was clear to me that the screenwriters faced one dire problem with the script. In order to enhance the pain of being ripped from his modern world with modern conveniences and responsibilities, it has to be shown that Chuck has emotional ties to it as well. The screenplay barely has enough time to reveal this except with Chuck's relationship with his fiancee. Yet with the limited set-up it is never seen as being very close. However this problem was somewhat solved with the casting of the popular and earthy Helen Hunt in that role. She brings a anchoring part to the movie. It is not to the credit of the film-makers that they saw fit to extend her role beyond the emotional anchor and recreate her toward the end of the movie as the shattered fiancee. This part is never substantial enough to be fulfilling and seems so much as an after-thought than an integral part of the show.
Wednesday, March 14, 2023
Typical thinking of a dotcom idiot
Duh. Pyra still believes that marketing and long-term business planning has no place in its future. Everything is "features" and "cool functionality". And yet Pyra wonders why it failed in its attempts to sell the company.
Can you name a single company that would even consider buying another company that has no business planning?
Monday, March 12, 2023
Heard this one yet?
The Navy has announced that for the first time in forty-five years, it will be presenting a ADM Chester Nimitz Award.
The ADM Chester Nimitz Award was established in 1942 during World War II and is presented annually to the captain of the United States naval vessel that sinks the most Japanese tonnage in any one calendar year.
Saturday, March 10, 2023
Of course the news aggregator site I mentioned below will be useless to me if I have to go back to Asia where the internet use and development lags so far behind the US and Europe models that I might be 80 years old before I could begin to implement many of the business models I have developed.
I've been applying for account planner jobs in a variety of cities in the US. But so far no success. I am doomed.
My news aggregator site
I have set up a news aggregator site especially for those who are interested in internet businesses, online marketing and the advertising and marketing industry. Internet consultants and advertising agency personel might find it useful.
I include analysis of articles that I have read from a variety of
sources available through the moreover.com and echofactor.com news search
engines that I have set up.
I also include a portal to various internet news, business news and advertising news sites that I use.
Listening to Eva Cassidy: Songbird (£11.79 at Tesco.co.uk)
I felt cheated when I heard this CD.
Like a lot of people in the UK, I was introduced to Eva Cassidy through
a video made of her singing one of my favourite songs, "Somewhere over the
rainbow", during a gig. As much as I love Jim Henson and Kermit the frog,
that song took completely new meaning with the voice and the soulful
rendition of Eva Cassidy.
Eva takes contemporary blues (Wayfaring Stranger) and even Gospel music
(Wade in the Water) and rearranges them along with her versatile voice to
give them renewed life. Like Ella Fitzgerald, she isn't so much a
songwriter as she is a songbird.
I was intrigued by that video performance and took the opportunity to
purchase her Songbook CD, her first album, with Somewhere over the
Rainbow. However, the studio version didn't manage to capture her true
self. Where was that Eva Cassidy that made those people in the audience
weep? It seemed as though being in a studio robbed her of some of that
But I must say that her version of Sting's "Fields of Gold", the first
song on the album, is the only thing that prevented me for returning the
album. THAT was so pure, I can easily imagine Sting himself playing it
over and over again in his den. Incidently, Fields of Gold is a live
I suspect Eva is more of a live performer than she is a studio artiste. I suggest that if you're considering this album, give it a pass. Try Live at the Blues Cafe, her live album. Fields of Gold assuredly made me a fan of Eva and I'm going to shell out more for her Blues Cafe album.
Friday, March 09, 2023
These are the questions Tenshi sent yesterday. Thanks Tenshi!
1. Why are you shutting down your blog?
In about four months time, all my posts here will be really depressing.
Because that's when my visa in the UK runs out and I'll have to go home to
a dreary existence of a job that pays very well, allows me to be creative
and allows me to plan strategies that control millions in currency. But
affords only the worst coffee in the world.
2. Where are you from?
3. Should I have read all your entries before attempting to ask you
Nope. You can pretend to have read it. It takes very little to make me
4. Do you like soup?
All except my maternal grandmother's cure-all goop.
5. Do you know what a halter monitor is?
Err, someone with the job of conducting close-examination of women's
Possibly. I visited your site before reading this question. And when I
saw the picture you placed on your site, I heard the words to "Hey, Jude",
the melancholic and reminiscent song Paul McCartney wrote for Julian
Lennon, John's eldest son.
(BTW, I love your hair. Not that I expect my compliment should
influence you to change your favourite song to "Hey, Jude".)
7. Do you even like the Beatles?
Yes. Very much so. I've got a copy of the multi-disc compilation as
well as Lennon's Imagine album.
8. Do you have roomates?
I've never had roomates for as long as I've been able to afford it. Not
because I dislike sharing. But because I like having my personal space.
Lots of it. Besides which I also snore.
9. Do you hate them?
Nope. In my experience, they eventually hate me.
10. Do you really enjoy filling out the answers to all the inane
questions people ask you?
Actually I do. Especially when they're interesting questions to which I can think of interesting answers. If you can think of more fun stuff like "Have you ever had to be hospitalised after a session of masturbating?", I'd be happy to accommodate.
Wednesday, March 07, 2023
It's been a bad inconsolable week. Shall I count the ways?
1) I got two new cavities. I'm starting to think my dentist has a
secret cavity room where she keeps all the cavities for all the naughty
little boys who never brush.
2) My iMac's hard disk blew. I have been without a computer for several
weeks. It took them over two weeks to diagnose it because they're the only
Mac repair place for 100 miles around and they let their only repair guy
go on a two week holiday. Now it's going to cost me £210 to get a new one.
And it isn't even an improved hard disk. Just the same bloody model.
3) Some woman I didn't know manages to pick out something in an
introductory piece that I wrote for my blog and twisted it on her
About.com website directory to suggest that I thought I was boring.
On top of that David suggests in a message on my guestbook that I don't
have cause to have such a harsh opinion of That Woman. David, how about if
somebody posted a message on your HQ's duty roster board in big prominent
letters saying that "David doesn't think he is good enough to be an
officer. But give him a chance, ok?"
Condescending? I think so. But the question I put toward you is, how
long would it take you to sign out a firearm, walk into the office of the
guy who wrote that notice and pull the trigger?
4) Some guy picks on me on my own weblog when I am already feeling
lousy. Go figure.
5) It's my birthday and no one remembers until I mail out emails
reminding them again. And I still do not see a digital camera in my mail
6) Blogger denies me access to my own blog. Stop screwing around, Ev,
and get a *&%*ing business manager!
7) Donna complains that my blog takes too long to load. Live with
8) I shut down my blog. And nobody asks why.
I've decided to put Blogvoices back. There had been a couple of heated discussions in my Blogvoices that I didn't find amusing at first, and less so the second time.
Alex, MUST you always have the last word on everything? (That's
actually a rhetorical question. But if I see any response in the
Blogvoices of this post, I'll know I'll have an answer inspite of it.)
And the same goes for you too, Alexis. Don't goad Alex! I hate to lay down rules like this, but that crap has to stop.
Friday, March 02, 2023
Webstore now open
My webstore is now open. It has several pieces of Mac software in it as well as a couple of books. I haven't got any VCDs or music CDs available yet. I'm ordering some cheap versions from Malaysia for sale.
Acceptance of credit card information is pending. I'm working on that.
Thursday, March 01, 2023
There's this luvvy wuvvy couple who have been working at the computer terminal opposite me. She's been complaining all afternoon about how fat she is and shoving her stomach into his face. And he has been so accommodating with such a sweet smile. Aw shucks.
Please go kill yourselves now.
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(This is also the home of the 10 Questions thingy.)
Time to death of blog:
Make us laugh!
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