Tim Yang is a copywriter, brand strategist and web developer living in Malaysia. He has under-graduate training in account planning and research and insists that differentiation and consumer insights rule his work. So if you need some copywriting done or an account planner to analyse your consumer research to add strategic value to your advertising campaign, call him.
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TimYang.com: The man, the blog, the butt-crack.

Friday, November 30, 2023
Laptop dance
I've got a new iBook. Can you blame me? Look at the stats: 640mb RAM, 600mhz processor speed, 20gig hard disk. It's a geek's hard-on.

Excuse me while I continue to insert dollar bills in the DVD-slot.
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Thursday, November 29, 2023
How to kill a cockroach
I hate cockroaches. They never seem to die when I spray bug spray on them unless I use half the can. And they die from drowning rather than asphyxiation by poisoning.

My friend Yasmin has an innovative and sure way of killing roaches. She uses hair spray. They don't die from poisoning. The roaches starve to death a few hours after they get turned into stiffened hairspray statues.

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Thursday, November 29, 2023
Cheaper URL forwarding
Apologies to everyone using the timyang.com URL. You probably haven't been able to access the site for the past 24 hours. There was a FUBAR with the details in the nameserver switching.

I recently switched hosts to Webcity, an Australian host provider. It's one of the cheapest domain name registering service. Just AUD$29.95 (USD$15.50) per year. In addition it has URL forwarding support, not just for one address. I can maintain up to five sub-domains for timyang.com including pornstar.timyang.com.
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Tuesday, November 27, 2023
New destination
My company gave us two extra days off on Christimas so I'm taking that period to go up to Thailand, find a beach and hang for a while. Michael is going during the same period so he suggested that we make the trip together. Two people travelling together makes the accommodation much cheaper.

So during the Chinese New Year break I'm considering either flying to Goa or Bali. I've never been to India nor Indonesia. So this will be another adventure.
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Monday, November 26, 2023
Death to stupid waitresses
I wanted to kill a waitress on Friday night. It was not enough that I had to pay for the meal she brought me, she had to rub salt into the wound as well.

On Friday evening before a few colleagues and I went to watch Harry Potter and the Sorceror's Stone (which I disliked because the writing sucked), we went to Ziku-Sakura, a Japanese restaurant near the cinema. It wasn't one of those places that serve California rolls. In many ways it was a real Japanese restaurant, partly because there was a large Japanese community living near it.

When I was growing up I really hated fish because I had a fear of choking on the bones. Tiny things that get stuck in your throat like needles. A fish's revenge. But I do like sushi and when I was in Amsterdam, I enjoyed rolmops, pickled or salted raw fish rolled up in bread and eaten like a sandwich.

I ordered sashimi. Raw fish, squid and prawns served on a platter of dry white noodles with carrot and cucumber garnishing and a side dish of wasabi and soy sauce. I was quite surprised by the serving portion which was quite large.

It certainly wasn't the food that I was opposed to. It was the bill. RM156 (USD45), over four times what I would normally pay for a Japanese meal. "You should know what you are ordering," the waitress said curtly. Apparently I ordered from the Very Expensive Menu. The one with the Rare Imported Fish. For some strange reason or other, the waitress saw fit to put that menu in front of me instead of the regular gaijin-ised one.

Being in a Japanese restaurant, a fitting retribution would be to stick two chopsticks into wasabi, insert them up her nostrils and let her breathe on that for a while. But there were too many witnesses and all my colleagues were laughing at me.
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Wednesday, November 21, 2023
The king is dead
It was announced in the morning that the Agong is dead. The Agong is the king of Malaysia, a more-or-less ceremonial title that's circulated among the sultans (monarchy heads) of the nine states of Malaysia every few years. The last time an Agong died in office it was around 1981.

It's customary to declare the following day a day-of-mourning when an Agong dies. That means tomorrow is a holiday. So we take this time to contemplate and mull over subjects like "Why couldn't he have died on a Thursday so we could get a long weekend?"

The institution of the king isn't as well loved as it is in, say, the UK. That's because the members of the monarchy haven't made themselves relevant to the people and have lost virtually all their popularity. It's not from a lack of want. The prime ministers of Malaysia have never been big fans of the monarchy and have over the last 20 years severely limited their constitutional powers and have passed laws to limit their public appearances and freedom of mass address.

So the funeral procession this morning that closed off large parts of the city was one of the very few occasions that the people of Malaysia got to see their rulers.
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Monday, November 19, 2023
From Hell
I watched the new Ripper movie just now on pirated VCD. It's not bad. I was half expecting it to offer some new theory or new spin on the evidence ala Oliver Stone. Nope, I heard all this stuff before. Freemasons, Prince Edward, police conspiracy, the Queen's surgeon, etc etc.

It's done by another Brothers Team. This time it's the not the Wachowski Brothers, the Brothers Coen or the Farinelli Brothers. It's the Hughes Brothers. Nicely done, boys. But next time, don't cast Heather Graham. She's awful. She did the whore thing already in Boogie Nights. And she was awful in that too. She tempts sound engineers to up the background music every time she speaks.

The thing I remember most about the movie though is the really bad copy. Of all the cinema-shot pirated copies I've seen, this has to rate as one of the worst. The screen was lop-sided, the low-light compensation wasn't turned on in the handy-cam and there was terrible interference in the sound.

Speaking of sound, the conversations by the patrons was down-right hilarious. One went "Fuck you, I told you to go to the bathroom before the movie!" Haha! I kid you not. I hate people who talk in cinemas. That's why God invented popcorn. So we can throw the boxes.
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Sunday, November 18, 2023
Damn it
I know I haven't been writing for a while. It's not because I don't want to. I have a very good reason.

You see, last month, I was taken aboard the mother ship. There were these guys from the planet K-Pax and they wanted to phone home. So they hugged my face and went nanoo-nanoo. Which I think means "Live long and phosphor". Maybe that's why I've been feeling a bit brighter lately.

Nono. The real reason is because I met this girl and all she wanted to do all the time was have sex sex sex sex sex sex sex sex sex sex sex sex sex sex sex sex sex sex sex sex sex sex sex sex sex sex sex sex sex sex sex sex sex sex sex sex sex sex sex sex sex sex sex sex sex sex sex sex and I just didn't have the time to write.

Ok ok. You dragged it out of me. It's because I've been trying to get the attention of this girl who reads this blog. But the whole thing backfired on me because ... she didn't even notice.

Foo me.
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Friday, November 16, 2023
How to drive women crazy
The ultimate aim of women is to drive as many women as they can crazy. It's true. I mean what other species on this planet goes around and tells each other things like "You're not fat" when they really are. Guys don't do that. They just poke each other in the belly and say "Looks like the old chest press machine needs a bit of oiling". Cheetahs don't do that. When they see another fat cheetah, they think "Mmmm. Dinner."

Which brings me to my point: dinner. I'm hungry. I'm going to go get some.

(Half hour later)

Now where was I? Oh yeah. I was going to reveal that I am and always will be the ultimate chick magnet. Simply because I am the ultimate tool a woman can use to drive other women crazy.

I'm not good looking. (Although I do do a really good Tom-Cruise smile.) And I'm not exactly smart. But when I go out with a woman and other women see her with me, they start thinking, "Damn, he must be giving her something that I haven't got. I wonder what it is? He's not good-looking, he's not smart. Maybe he's rich. Maybe he's famous. Maybe his dad's famous. May he gives good head. Maybe, maybe... aieee! Brain melt-down!"

That's also why lipstick in the purse comes in so handy. To mark down "I-Got-Her" scores on scratch cards deviously disguised as compacts.

But ultimately, the women I drive the craziest are those who dare to risk going out with me. Because I never say a thing.

Her: Honey, what are you thinking of?
Me: Nothing.
Her: (Bats eye-lashes) Come on you can tell me.
Me: Nothing.
Her: I don't believe you. You can't be thinking of nothing.
Me: It's true. Nothing.
Her: You never tell me anything! Why do you always hide things from me?!
Me: I've got nothing to hide.
Her: Stop saying NOTHING!!!!! aieee... Brain melt-down!
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Wednesday, November 07, 2023
Thailand trip
I was thinking of going to the island of Koh Phi Phi during the Chinese New Year in next February. But I couldn't get a flight to Phuket from which I could get a ferry to Koh Phi Phi. All the flights were booked. And the flights were expensive. RM670 (USD$190) for a round trip ticket of an hour forty-five minute trip.

Michael who has traveled a decent amount in Thailand (map) and he suggested a trip to Koh Samui using an overland route for a quarter of the price. It would take a whole day to get to Koh Samui by coach and ferry. Nine hour coach from Kuala Lumpur to Haatyai, then a three hour coach to Krabi then two more hours to Surat Thani and a two hour ferry to Koh Samui. I'll probably stay one night in Haatyai.
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Tuesday, November 06, 2023
Pool tournament
Although I don't play, I went to watch several of my colleagues participate in an amateur pool tournament. They played last Monday and quickly lost three out of five sets, despite a good run-up to that match. Tonight they played again with the same results, losing every single frame of the thirteen they played before they had to concede.

I knew I wasn't going to see championship pool tonight. I saw plenty of excellent cue-action earlier this year when the UK Snooker Tournament came to the Bournemouth convention centre with John Higgins and Mark Williams, two of the world's top snooker players, highlighted.

Michael is good planner and strategist, but he's prone to make amateur mistakes. Eric plays like a cowboy and has no concept of safety shots. Jason easily succumbs to pressure and always misses the second last ball before the black. Ian plays just like Jason, but with a worse temper. And Murali, well, Murali just can't play.

Their opponents played a very cool game and refused to release the cue-ball once it was in their possession. As soon as our players made one mistake, that entire frame was over. Our players instead busied themselves with getting drunk.

Pool wasn't really the reason why I went tonight. One was just to cheer the boys, all in good fun and beer. The second was there was a decent chance that Michael's girlfriend's sister would be there. I don't know her name. She talks like a downtown girl, but she looks like Christy Brinkley.
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Friday, November 02, 2023
If I were to become a professional slut
Then my tagline would be:

"Decent lay. Either way."
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Thursday, November 01, 2023
Halloween joke
Two men decided to take a shortcut through the cemetery.

In the middle of the cemetery, they were startled by a "tap-tap-tapping" noise coming from the misty shadows.

Trembling with fear, they found an old man with a hammer and chisel, chipping away at one of the headstones.

"Holy cow, mister," one of the men said after catching his breath. "You scared us half to death! What are you doing working here so late at night?"

"The fools," the old man replied, "They mispelled my name!"
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