Tim Yang is a copywriter, brand strategist and web developer living in Malaysia. He has under-graduate training in account planning and research and insists that differentiation and consumer insights rule his work. So if you need some copywriting done or an account planner to analyse your consumer research to add strategic value to your advertising campaign, call him.
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TimYang.com: The man, the blog, the butt-crack.

Saturday, May 31, 2023
TV Smith
I found heaven. I found a bar in Kuala Lumpur that is completely stocked from seat to shining seat with sweet sweet Indian ass and pussy. Ditesh, I have got to bring you there.

The place is called Gasworks and it's in pub district of Bangsar and last night there wasn't a single Chinese face there except mine. The place was selected by Terrence, better known as the blogger TV Smith who maintains the Mycen portal site. I'd called him up last week to sit down for a chat about blogging in Malaysia. And we ended up oggling sweet sweet Indian ass and pussy. Especially the ones in the tight white pants. Mmmm... tiiiigggghttt whiiiitte paaaantts... mmmmmm. Say, did I tell you that I'm a big fan of Indian girls?

Number of beers: 6
Number of cigarettes: 20 million
Number of chicks in tight white pants: not enough

If you worked for MOL, you might remember Terrence. Heck, who could forget him? Terrence has the kind of face that only a bulldog mother could love. I kid you not. He is essentially the world's ugliest blogger. I say this knowing full well that he is reading this right now, and is probably on the phone calling every t-shirt printer in town and ordering a million t-shirts with his face and "World's Ugliest Blogger" written on it. Needless to say he's the brilliant kind of guy who will wear a slogan like that as a badge of honour and make sure you know it.

Terrence and I talked about a great deal of things (once we were able to pick up our jaws off the floor again).

  • We wanted to coin a term for blogs in the Malay language. Something to distinguish Malaysian blogs. (The question of whether it was necessary did not cross our minds. We just thought it was a neat thing to do.)
  • We also decided that some kind of face-to-face community needs to be built among Malaysian bloggers. No wait, I think that was my decision. That was why I called Terrence.
  • Terrence noted that people often ask him about which blogs to read since there were so many in Malaysia. So we decided to create an A-list of bloggers. Subtlely, of course.
  • Hence, we're pleased to announce the creation of the first Malaysia Blogging Awards 2003 to highlight good blogs and to give bloggers something to shoot for. I'm working the details now and getting the judges like Oon Yeoh and Dinesh Nair together.

It's a great start and we've already got the winner of the World's Ugliest Blogger category.
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Thursday, May 29, 2023
Computer parts in Malaysia
One of the nice things about Malaysia is the huge and ready supply of computer spare parts and stuff.

I can take a trip to one of the numerous spare parts shopping malls that are in every Malaysian city and get what I want from a choice of dozens of shops.

For example, I just got myself a new USB cable for my Fuji digital camera. It's a relatively uncommon cable. If I were in Europe or for that matter in the US or Canada, they wouldn't have it in stock at the local computer shops and I would have to go back to the original manufacturer for the spare part then get charged enough to fly to Taiwan to buy a copy part and come back.

Of course, unlike Europe, I wouldn't get nice shop assistants who smile a lot and try to be helpful. Instead I get surly shopkeepers who insist that the only way to conduct the transaction is by snatching the money from your hand then lobbing you the parts box from their store room 50 yards away and glaring at you till you leave their premises.

But then again, I'm not paying for the service.
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Tuesday, May 27, 2023
Phantom errors
Dammit. It's the second time this week too.

My server has been giving my clients weird errors. Actually I can't blame the clients or the server for that matter because I can't reproduce them (the errors, I mean). And I can't even blame the local ISP for the same reason. The clients call up complaining about an inability to download their emails via POP and when I test the accounts, they seem to work. Then I have to call the clients and frustrate them even further by being unable to give them a reason why the email system didn't work for them.

This is too weird for me.
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Sunday, May 25, 2023
I've been mucking around with a software called Phpgroupware to see if it's worthwhile marketing it for Ameba6. It's a feature-packed groupware system that's web-based and has loads of tools for information sharing between individuals, departments and groups within departments. It also has multi-level admin access and each module and feature can be set for access individually for users, allowing complete control by the admin.

It has a mail system, chat system, file sharing, sharable address book, appointments calendar etc etc etc.

But while this tool is obviously useful for businesses of every size, the problem with having so many features is... well, it has so many features. It takes time to keep the appointments and addressbook updated and accurate. It takes a highly-disciplined (or highly-threatened) workforce to use it. And every business I know of has at least some individuals or, in the case of ad agencies, a whole department (the creative department) that thinks it's above that. It's the human feature that's going to make it a tough sell.

Small companies might not want it especially if all the employees are within shouting distance of each other. And large companies would see more use, but also more disuse and abuse.

... UNLESS... we attach a module that has to do with making money or collecting money. Such as a module that tracks quotations, follow-ups, invoices and payments. This can be used to build a profile of a customer according to the amount of paper-work they generate, their conversion and speed of payment. Now THAT would make the hair on a businessman's back stand on end.
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Saturday, May 24, 2023
Went out with Ramesh last night.

Number of beers: 3
Number of cigarettes: 4
Number of 14-year old girls puking into the plants while their girlfriends hold their hair back: 20 million
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Saturday, May 24, 2023
Eviction notice
Looks like I'm going to start looking for new premises for my office. My partner David has become disagreeable and I'm in negotiations with him to have him leave the partnership. It's a partnership, but he doesn't want to be a partner anymore. Agonus will still stay under my control and will still be active. But it's going to be very difficult from now on.
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Friday, May 23, 2023
If you're still using Microsoft Explorer, I suggest you UPGRADE to Mozilla immediately. I mean what the hell are you waiting for?!

With Mozilla, you won't get any more pop-up ads. There is a setting in Moz that looks for pop-ups and stops them cold. You can even selectively allow pop-ups that are important to the interface of the website you're visiting. That alone is enough to switch to Moz. I've been using Moz myself for the past year.

But you also get a browser that's more standards compatible that Explorer.

What's more, you also get add-on modules that are constantly being contributed by programmers all over the world. This includes an adblocker as well as one or two blogging tools.

And it includes a grand new service called Stumbleupon.com which I have been playing around with for the past couple of days. It allows me to select some interests such as internet and when I press a button on my Stumbleupon add-on bar, it randomly selects from his updated database a new website that I might be interested in and sends me there immediately. I've found a great deal of new sites that I never knew existed. And it also sends me to news sites and directly to news articles to do with new developments on the internet. It's a great deal of fun! The only problem with Stumbleupon is that it doesn't support tabbed browsing (yet). There is no setting for new sites to open in a new tab, or even when I use command-click on the random button.

And no, Mozilla is not paying me jack to say this.
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Thursday, May 22, 2023
Lazy monkeys
My reseller came and begged me to take one of his hosting customers off his hands today. He's deathly scared of this customer and I can understand why.

The client is a French timber trading company based in Kuala Lumpur but with felling licenses in Sabah and Sarawak. The managing director of this firm is unfortunately one of those hated Europeans who still believe in cracking the whip to make the "lazy monkeys" work hard. His whip happens to be letters on legal letterhead filled with threats of multi-million dollar lawsuits. It's getting out of hand when my reseller is only charging them a couple hundred ringgits for domain-name email hosting.

Now my reseller is trying to convince me to take over the account, suggesting that the client is willing to pay as much as five times the price of the hosting. I've been talking to the client's deputy and he's a very reasonable guy, but he can't control his boss.

Anybody know a way of getting an ugly Frenchman deported from this country?
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Thursday, May 22, 2023
Dr Ariffin removed my braces yesterday evening, a long-overdue appointment. I'd been wearing them for 18 months. Now I have perfectly-aligned teeth. I'm not entirely sure I like it all that much.

I used to have a Tom Cruise smile with outstanding incisors. A wild man smile. That was back in the old days when Cruise did cocky wildman movies like Cocktail, Days of Thunder and Top Gun. Now all he does are serious stuff like Last Samurai, Minority Report and Magnolia.

Then again Cruise did wear braces recently, so maybe I still do have a Tom Cruise smile. But I still don't like it much.
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Thursday, May 22, 2023
Matrix Reloaded
I saw Matrix Reloaded with Jonathan and Katetricia last night.

All I have to say is the casting of Matrix Reloaded was all wrong. Wrong. Wrong. Wrong.

What they should have done was make it an all-Singaporean cast. Since they wanted to stylise the acting with super-HEIGHTened speeches that are pro-NOUN-ced in PER-fect into-NA-tion, then I SAY-H who BET-ter than Singa-PO-rean ACT-ors who invented that style.

(My apologies. This is an inside joke about really lousy Singaporean acting.)
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Wednesday, May 21, 2023
The Malaysian diplomat to Germany
My granduncle PK was in the 1970s, was appointed by his childhood friend Tun Abdul Razak as the German diplomat to Bonn. According to his autobiography, he faced a great deal of problems with the Finance, Economics and Foreign ministers of Germany because they didn't think Malaysia was a worthwhile country to deal with but Malaysia was desperate to release the trade barriers installed by Germany.

One day, a year after being appointed, he finally got them together in one room. After the talks make no headway for one hour, he said to them:

"Gentleman, I am not a career diplomat, and have never been one until I was appointed an Ambassador five years ago. (He was first appointed to Brussels.) I do not think I can ever be a diplomat. All my working life I have been a businessman. A businessman, when he has a sum of money to invest, is concerned to ensure a reasonable return. Gentleman, it costs my government several million Malaysian dollars to run this diplomatic mission in the Federal Republic of Germany. I expect at least some return for this. Not only do we get no return, but the investment is also wasted. I feel inclined to write to my government, and advise them to close this mission."

There was a shocked silence around the table: and one of them asked, "What exactly do you mean, Mr Ambassador?"

I replied: "Close this mission, and save further losses!"

I looked around the table, and they were trying to take in what I said, and then asked me what is was that I really wanted. "I have told you what it is," I said," and all I get are platitudes and vague promises of help in the future."

Then they replied: "Give us some time, and let us consider it." You have to break all diplomatic protocal in order to drive home a point.

Imagine, in the 1970s, at the height of the German economic strength, a tiny country threatening to tell them to go shove off. It must have been an embarrassment for the Germans. They would have been the laughing stock of Europe. If they had called PK's bluff, Malaysia would have been in the deepest shit ever. I mean, there wouldn't be any towkays sitting in chauffer driven Mercedes Benzs on the road right now!
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Tuesday, May 20, 2023
Print media in the internet
Any print news media, or any news media for that matter, that wants to gain readership in an internet environment has to allow extensive archiving. People are not going to refer to them in great depth if the links are going to be dead within days. Don't they realise that people sharing their links is basically advertising for them?

For me, I can't really discuss stories in the local media like The Star and Straitstimes because they block archives to 30 days. (As if that would protect their newsstand sales.) I find myself having to paraphrase their stories and that's not helping my readers get a clearer picture. Ok ok, with the exception of some wannabe, links to news stories are rare among Malaysian bloggers.

The newspaper boys are exhibiting a fear of new media and it's not really helping them when we can just as easily refer to other news media in the BBC and CNN. Wake up and smell the audience! (Er, on second thought, better not.) My message to The Star and Straits Times is: you're going to fall off the radar without support from bloggers. So start wising up and give us your support with archives.

Ah wait, we're a MINORITY. Haha, silly me. Feel free to ignore us then.

UPDATE: Oh wait, Doc Searls was just talking about this shit too.
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Tuesday, May 20, 2023
Art meets reality
Actually it might be tempting fate to consider Joe Cartoon's Frog in a Blender as art. But it seems a Dane thought it was and tried to mimic it with his own Goldfish in a Blender. Yup. When even Hitler doesn't want your country, it does crazy shit to your head.
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Monday, May 19, 2023
Overshadowing the news on SARS etc and whatever, Nicole Kidman will appear in her next movie as the captive of a small town of perverts and wearing a dog collar and chain. Let's see... Matrix Reloaded or Dogville... Matrix Reloaded or Dogville... hmmm... tough choice...
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Monday, May 19, 2023
I've finished reading my granduncle's autobiography. He's dedicated most of a whole chapter to setting the record straight on the life and death of his first brother, WK. WK had become a communist in the 1960s and fought the Malaysian authorities. My granduncle, PK, writes that it was in the adventurous and passionate nature of WK that made him join the communists even against the wishes of their mother. WK had wanted to change the world.

But PK throws in a twist in the tale that has never been revealed before. In shock, he hints that WK may have had an affair with a married European who was equally passionate about communism. That would explain WK's insistence on taking to the hills.

In the late 1960s, WK was shot and killed in a government ambush in the jungle. Nothing more has since been said of his death.
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Sunday, May 18, 2023
I've been in Cherating, a beach in the eastern state of Kuantan in Peninsular Malaysia, for the past four days. It has been a long five day weekend with two days of public holidays so I decided to take off for a quick (and cheap) tanning session. I can't particularly recommend Cherating. The beach is not great, but it's relatively quiet and uninhabited on the western end of it. But it's cheap. I stayed at the Matahari chalets for RM25 a night, a popular backpacker chalet thanks to a Lonely Planet recommendation, and the time to get there is about the same as going to Pangkor island. At least there is a much larger and cheaper choice of places to stay and to eat here. And at least they serve alcohol here.
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Thursday, May 15, 2023
It's bit surreal to be reading my grand-uncle's autobiography, which is still kept as a family secret. (Except, I nicked my grandfather's copy yesterday.)

He starts by recalling his life in a small town in Malaysia, as well as that of his father and his brothers. It's very much like how the celebrated Malaysian cartoonist Lat portrayed it in his books. He writes with a great deal of passion about his teachers and his pastimes, making references to William Shakespeare and assorted bits of poetry, reflecting his early education in English Literature. Ironically, he was never very well-versed in English grammar and dictated everything on tape to be re-formed by a close friend who became his ghost-writer.

I stopped reading when he recalls the death of his niece, my aunt, who died in the MAS plane crash in 1979 with her husband on her way for a family reunion. We were all at the house in the old family house in Bukit Chagar when the news came and I saw the wreckage on television while everyone in the family watched it in horror. It didn't occur to me the enormity of the situation and I shamefully treated everything with great excitement. I was six years old at the time.
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Thursday, May 15, 2023
According to the news media, 15 million people in Asia have already died of Sudden Acute Respiratory Syndrome.

There is panic buying of face masks and anti-biotics.

Ships carrying more medicines from Indonesia and India have been mobbed as soon as they drop anchor.

Hospitals are filled with coughing and wheezing people who are dropping faster than flies.

It is expected that the US will drop an atom bomb in Singapore to contain the epidemic.

More news shortly...

(If the bomb doesn't drop first.)
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Wednesday, May 14, 2023
Shopping in Johore
After reading a chapter of PK's book, I decided to go do a bit of shopping in Johore Bahru.

I found that the selection of clothes here is oddly better and more abundant than that of Kuala Lumpur. Especially at the department stores and the factory outlet stores. I shouldn't be surprised really. Johore Bahru is the hinterland of Singapore and relies on Singapore dollars which are pegged at about RM2.20 = S$1. The guys actually dress better in Johore Bahru, as well as, or better than Singapore guys. Of course, you know what the problem that is, right?

Yup. All the guys in Johore Bahru have turned gay.
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Wednesday, May 14, 2023
Reading PK's book has revealed the origins of the maternal side of my family. My grandfather is not a brother per se, but a cousin of PK. All the cousins of his generation considered each other brothers. That makes PK and RK my grand-uncles once removed.

They had very humble beginnings. The need to support the family that was left behind in China was the key to their drive and early success. I couldn't help but reflect on my own situation. It made me feel sad that I have none of that drive nor is business acumen hereditary. I very much doubt that I will succeed in anything. The truth is uncomfortable.

Also, all the men in the family are very handsome. All the women look awful. It's true.

I spoke to my grandfather earlier. He urged me to get married but my motivation is very depressing. He warned that I would have a horrible life in the middle age as a bachelor, dying slowly without help. I'm glad I'm leaving tonight. But I think I shall try to come back to see him more often. He said he will stop going to the office because RK had asked him to stay home because of his age, but agreed to continue paying his salary. His age is exactly why I think it is a mistake for him not to continue this habit.
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Wednesday, May 14, 2023
Simple things
Nice thing about being back at the family house for a visit is having a hot shower and sleeping in a bed. The place I rent in Kuala Lumpur is so low-down it doesn't even have a working shower. Just a bucket and scoop. And I sleep on the floor. I have no money.
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Wednesday, May 14, 2023
I think I get a lot my anti-establishment attitude from my family. It wasn't inherited. It was inadvertently nurtured.

At the age of six, my mother packed me and my two siblings into a train in the middle of the night and moved from Kuala Lumpur to the southernmost town of Johore Bahru, where her parents lived. We moved into their house and were immediately made to feel unwelcome with lots of accusations and questions by my grandmother. But being family, we were eventually settled in a room where all four of us slept.

There I learned we were part of a much larger family called K. It shall remain nameless, and I shall explain why in a short while. K is more than a family. By the seventies, it was a business empire that spanned several countries and was poised to expand much further when Deng opened up China in 1982. K was started just after World War II by my grand uncle RK with his brothers, my grandfather included, in Johore Bahru. A humble beginning that was never forgotten. Even during the war, they were all already trading, making ends meet and making profits. To a certain extent, they might be accused of being war-profiteers, but who can really say that when you're just trying to survive under those conditions?

K is very cliqueish. And very fraternal. My branch of the family does not carry the K name because my father married into the family. Unlike the other members of K, we were poor. We stayed under my grandfather's roof, but we had none of the privileges. My mother wasn't found a position in the business and became a school teacher in Johore Bahru. We didn't travel to Africa on safari like my Hong Kong cousins. We didn't have trust funds. We didn't have their trust and were not included in family discussions. It did not help that my mother was the first divorce in the family. We're Chinese. The Irish have nothing on us.

Some details of the early part of K was published in an autobiography by one of RK's brother's, PK. It is a hard cover print and had its only print run in 1994, completely funded by PK. It was released by PK only to friends and family members. My grandfather has a copy, which has now fallen into my hands. I nicked it this morning when he went to work at the K office in Johore Bahru. I didn't ask because he wouldn't have lent it to me. I'm still an outsider. He won't miss it because it is part of a huge library of books on World War II, Mao and Singapore and I shuffled a few books around to disguise the missing one. I'll replace it the next time I visit.

K is secretive. And, despite being an outsider, I'm still family and I have to respect that. Outsider and family. I will not mention the K name although most Asians will have heard of it and will know who I'm talking about immediately. Ask an Asian. They'll know. I cannot print the name. Even though I have used noindex in my metatags, not every search engine respects it. I would hate for nosy journos to come snooping on this site for insider news on K.

I arrived at 9pm last night in Johore Bahru to visit my grandfather and was very happy to learn that he had started going to the office. Even at age 80, this was a habit with him every morning and he would stay for a few hours before coming back for lunch then he would be off for meetings in the afternoon. That was before my grandmother died five years ago. Now that old grandfather is back. He's the only K I've ever known.
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Monday, May 12, 2023
I have no idea who started calling them that, but the local media and politicans have picked up on it and spread it so quickly, it might have been someone really high up the food chain.

The term tonto refers to sidekicks in Malaysian parlance, as in The Lone Ranger and Tonto. Right now it directly refers to the hirelings of the local pirated VCD traders.

The job of a tonto is very simple. They hang around the headquarters of both the Kuala Lumpur branch of the police and the Petaling Jaya branch (a suburb of Kuala Lumpur) with their mobile phones and keep an eye out for the police officers known to be part of the VCD pirate raiding teams.

Everyone who works at both branches know who the tontos are because they only appear at 6pm, they're usually 16 year old Chinese boys, they openly bunch up at the roadside tea shops and sip tea and chew the fat. When they see the officers leaving en force, they notify their pirate bosses.

Since the tontos don't know which district the raiders will be hitting, they get into their Proton Wiras and follow the officers around. So here we have a whole police force followed by a bunch of tontos riding shotgun because each pirate distributor (of which there are dozens) must have their own tonto.

It's a hilarious motorcade several cars long.

Did I say 'hilarious'? I meant freaking side-splitting! It's a complete role-reversal from traditional cops-and-robbers.

And when they reach a night market, it becomes even more ludicrous because the local tontos take over. Everyone at the night market knows the police officers are there, not just because of their uniforms and their sirens but also because they have a retinue of 16 year old boys on walkie talkies calling out "Ok, they're turning left into Ah-siong-kor's stall now" or "Uh-oh, looks like Ah-por will have to see what the pokie looks like from the inside."

But most of the traders will have vamoosed by then. And the only ones left will be the ones who are offered as sacrificial lambs so that the officers won't look too bad to their bosses and the politicians. (They'll of course later return in the morning to get their monthly baksheesh. The officers, not the traders.)

How do you get rid of the tontos? Seems you can't. Even at the night market, the officers cannot arrest the tontos. For what? Obstruction of justice? Funny thing is, they haven't done anything illegal except chat on their mobile phones and walkie-talkies.

I only bring this up because the in-coming prime minister of this country, who is very aware of the tonto issue, has decided that the best way to react to them is by (get this) CONFINING the tontos "within their district". Kind of like asking the police to build a 10-foot well to drain a flood, if you ask me. Even if this were enforceable, how would it stop the pirates from recruiting other tontos who aren't similarly restricted? There are dozens, if not hundreds waiting to sign up.

Only in Malaysia.
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Sunday, May 11, 2023
Finnegan's at Sri Hartamas
I had a really nice dinner last night with Raymund at the Finnegan's Bar at Sri Hartamas, a hilly suburban condominium paradise. I met Andy who operates the patio and the beer garden portion of this branch of Finnegan's. A jolly Australian, he usually runs an events organising business, but just for the fun of it he set up some tables, strung some lights across the patio and buys food and drinks from Finnegan's kitchen to serve to his customers.

He does it Mongolian-style. Raymund and I barbecued bits of chicken, beef and squid over a charcoal-heated cooker that looks like an upside-down colander, which has a wide drain around the rim to heat up a soup of garlic, chillies and coriander and other assorted vegetables.

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Sunday, May 11, 2023
Site of the day
Thriftdeluxe.com, via YahooPicks, comes from the British obsession with home improvements. I particularly liked the grater lamp idea.

"Thrift deluxe is a London Based DIY site for cool people. It was launched on the 12th of November 2002. As the name ‘thrift deluxe’ implies we provide inexpensive DIY projects that are uber cool. This site has no real business model other than to gain sponsorship so that contributors can experiment enough to develop enough quality concepts for the site. The reason this site was started was because currently there is nothing like it and we were hoping to fulfil the creative niche although we hope our site appeals to people not in the creative industry. "
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Friday, May 09, 2023
Google will remove blogs from their search engine
"The main problem with blogs is that, as far as Google is concerned, they masquerade as useful information when all they contain is idle chatter." Idle chatter? Yes, mostly. Not useful? Arguable. Wonder if Evan Williams knew about this plan before he sold Blogger....

UPDATE: Ev denies
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Friday, May 09, 2023
Bond girl, she ain't
leungThis lovely specimen of Chinese beauty apparently seduced an FBI agent and stole official secrets from his briefcase for the Chinese government. Sigh.

Here's some photos of Michelle Yeoh to replenish your lost faith.
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Friday, May 09, 2023
More consumer marketing news you'd never know if I didn't tell you
Pepsi is actually making a serious killing in markets with a huge muslim/arab population with their Pepsi Blue variety.

Despite being prohibited from imbibing alcohol by their religion, muslims do enjoy going to bars for the relaxing atmosphere and, I guess, for the anti-establishment irony. So they usually order a soft drink in a high ball glass or an orange juice with an umbrella in it -- they'll appear as if they're having hard liquour or a cocktail, so they don't feel left out of the drinking atmosphere, and yet conform to the rule of the Koran.

Now with Pepsi Blue, they have a very fashionable choice -- a drink that looks just like a fancy cocktail even though its a harmless soft drink. Whalla! Instant entry into heaven! Pepsi Blue is now the choice de riguer by the muslim population in Malaysia.
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Friday, May 09, 2023
Is this what they mean when they say ironic?
Bush and Blair are nominated by the Norwegians for the Nobel Peace Prize. For waging war? Ah well, then again them crazy Swedes did give Arafat and Kissinger one too.
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Thursday, May 08, 2023
Porn movie review
(Aw come on, you knew I was going to write about this sooner or later!)

One of the latest controversies in Malaysia, to the delight of all red-blooded males everywhere, is the release of a home made porn movie. You can get a copy at virtually every pirated VCD seller if you ask for "MAS Blue". The stars of the movie are a Malaysian Airline Systems (MAS) steward and his stewardess girlfriend, hence the nickname. The title is Kehidupan Seorang Pramugara Yang Terlampau (translated: The Excessive Lifestyle of a Steward). It should really be renamed So Much Fun You Can Have With Your Home Video Camera.

Props to Alphademon for loaning me his office copy. (Ah so this is what sysadmins do when they're not on call.)

The 70 minute video mostly consists of a dozen scenes or so of the steward and the stewardess is various hotel rooms while, we assume, they are on layover. (Hyuk hyuk hyuk, I said 'layover', hyuk hyuk hyuk.) Unlike other locally made porn movies such as Edisi Yang Paling Hangat Musim Ini, this video is actually very good. The others usually have girls who look utterly bored and contemptuous (not to mention, ugly). They look like they're trapped in a classroom with Oscar the Grouch giving a lesson in physics. Local porn movies are also made by people who are confused over whether making porn is against the Islamic code of conduct. So they position their cameras behind trees, behind window shades or a long distance away, so that it appears as if the viewer is a voyeur who "accidently" caught sight of the unspeakable. It's utterly laughable, but MAS Blue really shows them how it's done.

Rule One is: You get a couple who actually know each other and like each other. Make sure they're having fun. Without that, you've got no chemistry and the whole video lacks enough credibility for the viewer to join in the fantasy romp. In MAS Blue, the girl plays to the camera, giving longing looks and moans that would make Asia Carrere blush. This isn't a porn movie. When it was made, it was never meant to be. It has the raw energy of two people who really like filming themselves having sex.

They have so much fun, they lend the video camera to another couple who also film themselves having sex in what appears to be a huge five-star hotel room. This part lasts for about 20 minutes and it's tagged onto the back of the film. This second couple seem to view themselves as budding porn stars, trying out more positions than the karma sutra. They have more manic sex than the steward and stewardess, trying to prove their porn potential.

The stewardess scenes appear to have been shot earlier (one of the scenes retains a January 1999 timecode). Then we see the steward with another girlfriend (probably a more recent one) who also enjoys being filmed having sex because in the third scene we see him with this gorgeous girl with a really hot bod who likes whispering "give it to me baby" into his ear while doing the nasty to him. This new girl has that vampish look, unlike the earlier girlfriend, who has a cute good girl kind of look. Personally, I think I prefer the vamp.

No no wait, I changed my mind at the 47th minute of the video.

At that moment, there is a strange 3-minute interlude where we see this naked 20 year old blonde white chick turning on the radio to a heart-pumping drum and bass piece. She dances and cavorts to the music while miming the lyrics. Suddenly she whips out a long purple dildo and masturbates to the music! Holy crap, I came everywhere when I saw that! She completely stole the show!

I want to make a fan club for these people. They're unnamed throughout the video, but we may find out soon from the newspapers. Whatever, they're great! Malaysia Boleh!

(Yup, Masblue.com is still untaken.)
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Wednesday, May 07, 2023
Birthday boy
In commemoration of Saddam Hussein's birthday, buy him something from his Amazon wishlist.
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Wednesday, May 07, 2023
Meeting in Brickfields
Met up with Alphademon last night in Brickfields to have char kuay teow (fried noodles) -- ah, they don't do char kuay teow like in Jalan Batu, full of siham (cockles), lapcheong (pork sausages) and fried with the blackest of black sauce.

Ok, ok back to Alphademon.

He'd asked me some questions over ICQ a bit earlier and he's published the transcript on his blog. It was a strange interview and neither the interviewer (him) nor the interviewee (me) really connected with each other. Of all the three interviews he's done, this was the first in which he didn't know anything about the person he was interviewing. There was no probing or analysis. And in the process he never reveals anything about himself (which would have helped me make a connection with him). In fact, the only things you'll ever know about Alphademon, the man behind the blog, are the ones you'll read on this blog. He's a very young system administrator, in real life (not like his blog-personality) he never uses anything more damnable than "damn", he's actually a bit of a ladies man (the quiet geek variety) and he's about a thousand miles from being unpleasant looking. (Ladies, you can ask me for his phone number.)

I think we need more people like Alphademon. He's a bit raw with the interview skills, but he has that innate curiousity about people that's quite lacking in others. Now, if he was just a bit more vocal about his introspection, I think he'd make a great blogger.

Anyway read his blog.
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Tuesday, May 06, 2023
Tim's Verbal Assault (TVA)TM
I had a run-in with a film club committee member called Eng Yeow last night that resulted in a demonstration of Tim's Verbal AssaultTM. I'd created the website called kelabsenifilem.com (translated: Club of Cinema Films) for the club and charged just my cost for it. This was very little since we didn't pay for the software that runs the site but there was the matter of the designer's time. Eng Yeow was the committee member who was selected to manage the site -- a job he didn't relish.

Eng Yeow was a strange choice since he doesn't even work with the internet and his office admittedly doesn't have a connection for employees. He may have been a volunteer but surely, there must have been better choices.

(Ok this introduction is a bit long, but we'll get to the Tim's Verbal AssaultTM part in a minute.)

It meant he had to learn a new way of publishing the club's newsletter and he had to update the website with new films once every three months. (Nevermind that it can be done in 20 minutes. The number of films for each update is usually about 10-12 since screenings are infrequent.) He also felt that he had to add all the members on the mailing list -- 200 in all -- manually (Nevermind that the members can add themselves once he posts them a notice about the new website). So he was not at all happy with the extra work, especially since he was already feeling quite safe using the newsletter list he had. His list is with Hotmail and he has to send out the list to three separate groups since Hotmail isn't configured to work as a newsletter.

(Tim's Verbal AssualtTM is coming, I swear.)

So Eng Yeow pulled massive attitude with me. He unceasingly complained and made snide remarks about the system (Geeklog), citing that a lot of things don't work. He insisted that he needed mail attachments to the newsletter despite the fact that the newsletters are all text without formating. He also insisted on a batch file upload for mass uploading of user emails to the mailing list -- which could be worked around by having the members add themselves. You'd think that for a complete content management system with feedback and interactivity blocks that was installed almost free-of-charge, that the film club would be a little more forgiving or even grateful than that.

(Could you hang on for a friggin second?! It's coming!)

Eng Yeow is nevertheless the consumate whiner. But he makes RM5 variety not the champagne kind.

But I'd had quite enough of that and decided I would launch Tim's Verbal AssaultTM on him. If you think you can throw attitude my way, well, look up honey, but you ain't seen attitude till you seen Tim's Verbal AssaultTM.

Before Tommy Franks invented "Shock and Awe", it is safe to say that there was Tim's Verbal AssaultTM. It's a stream of consciousness verbal battering using as ammo everything from -- and not withstanding -- the recipient's parentage, his childhood, his lack of intelligence, his poor social skills, his skin conditions, his dressing and his lack of hygiene. It's loud, it's unstoppable and it is intense to the point of tears. I look straight into the recipient's eyes and let loose with verbal bullets faster than an AK-47. I often use the tactic of "friendly" advice, like a cluster bomb hidden in a bunny rabbit, which in its irony makes the effect even harder. And then the advice repeats itself over and over and over again, true to the form of a really bad ad campaign, drumming into the skull of the recipient until he becomes so disoriented he starts to believe it.

Basically I turn into Robin William's Evil Twin Brother.

The whole point of it is to sew confusion and anger in the recipient. At first he will (and he did) try to reason with me, then plead, then turn to insults and finally, after realising the hopelessness of the situation, simply walk away. (I always know how long a recipient will submit to the assault because they always follow that simple pattern.) And at that pinnacle, I declare victory. In Eng Yeow's case, I later learned that he threatened to quit the committee because of Tim's Verbal AssaultTM, which has all the logic of threatening to sell your car after you got robbed on the street.

But the effect of Tim's Verbal AssaultTM does not stop there. It doesn't matter how long you stand there and receive Tim's Verbal AssaultTM. It is the fact that you didn't see it coming and that you stood there at all for any length of time to receive it. Many recipients of Tim's Verbal AssaultTM try and out-stubborn me, but the longer they stand there, the worse it gets and they feel like complete fools afterwards. And it never lets up. I watch for the reactions of the recipient to key coded words for subtle reactions like a twitch if I mention his mother or a pet dog and keep hitting on that sore subject. At least that's the theory. But Tim's Verbal AssaultTM has never lasted longer than a minute before the recipient leaves to find shelter.

The fallout result is a whole sleepless night for the recipient as he berates himself for even thinking that he could withstand the assault, for not thinking of other responses and even reasons why he didn't try to hit me. (Tim's Verbal AssaultTM is so calculated in its shock factor that no one has even been able to think clearly enough during the assault to even consider a violent response.) Sometimes, the recipient reportedly goes around in a daze for as long as two days straight, unable to cope from the psychological-shock, even to point of crying for no reason. Sometimes the shake to his confidence is more permanent (but that effect has never been satisfactorily established).

Not many people can launch a Tim's Verbal AssaultTM, hence the patent. As you can see, it is completely without finesse. I have only ever used it once in recent times and that was to fire my ex-server guys who were giving me attitude. Its use suggests a complete hopelessness at salvaging any relationship with the recipient. (By the time I made the decision to launch, I had also realised that I could kiss away any hope of getting some compensation for the website design and installation since Eng Yeow had outright refused to use it.) But it does give me great satisfaction at asserting superiority. Yes yes, its childish, I know.

It also gives me a pretty decent blog entry.
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Monday, May 05, 2023
Ecommerce in Malaysia
I was at Nuovo on Saturday night having a couple drinks where I met Faizal, a computer science student from apiit, a technology institution in Malaysia. He was there because he'd won a free invite from a radio station contest. Typically, Faizal had no idea what he wanted to do after he graduated, but he revealed a thought of creating an ecommerce system because he felt that ecommerce was not popular enough in Malaysia.

Security, he said, was the main issue. Not so, I said. Businessmen are not adverse to risk. As far as they're concerned, security is an issue that can be dealt with. Besides, if businessmen were that worried about security, why do business at all? Risk management is something that all businessmen embrace.

No, I explained to Faizal, the main issue is always the cost. To set up an ecommerce system, you would need to sign onto something like Commercepayment.com, a local online payment system which charges an exhorbitant RM1400 per year for their own commercepayment-branded payment portal system. This excludes the per-transaction commissions of 4% of each transaction. For your own branded payment system, you'd need to pay up about RM5000. Large businesses, however, would embrace it, albeit grudgingly.

This pricing puts the thought of ecommerce out of the budget of local businessmen -- the smaller variety who are the backbone of commerce. Since ecommerce would be new to them, they have no reason to believe that the investment would pay off. What they want is proof ... or a free trial to test the response. Unfortunately, no one is offering that.

On the other hand, you have systems like 2checkout.com which are cheap and allow a secure ecommerce system with shopping cart interface for an investment of just RM200. But local businessmen would rather go with local product with local tech support and assurance. And they're not likely to want to pay 5.5% plus USD0.45 per transaction or want to wait a whole month or so for the cheques from 2checkout.com to reach them.

Furthermore, there's only one bank in Malaysia that supports online payments. Maybank. The others, like Hongkongbank, BankBumiputera, Standard Chartered et al, have made promises of looking into online payment systems, but have also added that it's not likely since in their view, the demand for ecommerce is minimal in Malaysia.

It's a chicken and egg process but someone has to start the process going.

Without local business support, the banks don't feel they can invest in ecommerce. Without the banks' support, there isn't enough competition in the marketplace to warrant the investment of the businessmen.

Such as it is, I told Faizal that he would have to define a complete system including shopping cart interface and payment gateway before his ambition could be realised. And he would have to take the risk of producing it and allow its use as cheaply as possible before getting bank approval.

It's a huge project, but as a student, I still felt that he could do it if he had enough friends who believed in the project to become his partners. Just like Ditesh, Mohan and Low at Ameba6.com, they could band together as a company to produce the system while they're in school and start making money even before they leave college.
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Sunday, May 04, 2023
HMS Ulysses by Alistair Maclean (1955, Collins, London)
HMS Ulysses is a highly graphic story of the brutal tragedy of the HMS Ulysses and her command and crew on her last voyage as a destroyer escort. During World War 2, she's assigned to escort a convoy of ammunitions and weapons from the British Isles to Murmansk, Russia, to support the northern front against the Germans. Little do her crew realise but the convoy has been set up as bait to lure an infamous German aircraft cruiser called Tirpitz and German U-boats into a trap. It's death, death and more death on the coldest, most turbulent high seas.

Death by a wolf pack of U-boats. Death by freezing. Death by torpedo concussion. Death by aircraft shells. Death by treacherous weather. Death by floating mines. Death by galley fire. Death by crashing aircraft. Death by heartbreak.

Out of 36 ships that set out, only five make it to port.

HMS Ulysses, Maclean's first novel, is regarded as one of the best naval novels in recent times for its raw emotion and uncensored descriptions of the ways men face death. Unlike Maclean's later novels, this one seems to be written more from the heart, drawing from Maclean's experience as a torpedo officer on several north sea convoys.

My copy is the original 1955 hardcover version which I got from Skoob Books for RM3. The real tragedy of the tale is this book is already mostly out of print.
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Saturday, May 03, 2023
Lomo photoblog
NSalleh has an interesting Lomo camera photoblog. Waitaminute, people in Malaysia actually have Lomos? Waitaminute, there is a Lomo Society in Malaysia?! *boggle*
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Saturday, May 03, 2023
Redhat 9 review
Ditesh at Gathani.org has published an interesting and indepth review of Redhat 9 versus Redhat 8 from a practitioner's point of view. (Yes, Virginia, there are interesting Linux reviews.)
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Saturday, May 03, 2023
Book 'em Dano
Blogger has announced the impending release of a new version called Dano. A strange choice of name because, while it promises to be completely re-engineered, it doesn't seem to be all that different. From the outset, it looks like some cosmetic changes are taking place such as a few new tags for blog owner information. The main difference would be the support for RSS feeds for regular users -- this was previously only for BloggerPro users. But I can't say for sure because it's still in beta and the system migration form is not working. I'm looking for corroborative details from other bloggers and on Slashdot.
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Friday, May 02, 2023
I think the rumours about Bryan Singer taking drugs on the set of X2 is starting to ring true to me. The result of his direction of the movie leaves a lot out. This from the man who made The Usual Suspects, a highly-controversial psychological drama of a team of cons, doesn't seem to be made by the same person.

There were three things left out.

I was expecting Singer to take the opportunity to work in the team factor -- especially in a sequel, when the team has presumably had the opportunity to work and train together. I wanted something like great team movies such as Sneakers or Wonder Seven with a lot of fun and interplay. In the comics, we would have Rogue throwing Wolverine like a catapult toward the enemy or Nightcrawler teleporting Colossus behind enemy lines. As a comic reader, Singer should have known about this. Instead he elected to have all the characters act as individuals without cohesion. They're like the children of Professor Xavier's school trying out their powers for the first time.

The introductory voiceover hints that the world is turning against mutants and a hatred is brewing against them -- so prominent is this issue that the President of the United States makes a national broadcast statement about mutants. But the movie doesn't communicate that -- the regular humans act as if they've never heard of mutants. Where's the anti-mutant grafitti or slurs or special mutant police force? This worldwide hysteria would have explained a lot of things in this movie such as the secrecy of Xavier's school and the bewildering lengths that the government takes to conceal mutant prisons and test facilities.

Linked to my first observation, the characters don't seem to have any real affinity for one another. There are hints of a love triangle between Jean Grey, Wolverine and Cyclops, which seems cynically manufactured to make the ending more tragic. But it doesn't work out that way, and the audience goes "uh-huh" rather than "oh-no". It might have something to do with the characters refering to each other by their code names rather than by their real names.

Oh yeah, there is a fourth thing that was left out. And this was probably the most crucial of all:

The gore. The blood.

When I pay RM10 to see Wolverine, I expect a bit more "splash" along with my "slash". In this sense, X2 was a complete washout.

Ok, ok, there is a plus side to X2. Rebecca Romijn-Stamos in a show-stealing body-paint outfit. In cold weather. Mmmmmm.... niiiiiippples.... mmmmmmm.
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Thursday, May 01, 2023
Pictures of India
These were taken a year ago on my excursion to India, from Indore in Madhya Pradesh. I was there visiting Saurabh who reads my blog. But I never really got round to publishing the pictures. I thought it was about high-time I did.

A three bike convoy. It took 2 hours to get there even though Tincha Falls is only 40km out of town. India has 2 billion people but no highways.

Farmers washing at a rivelet.

Tincha Falls lies in a gorge dug into the Decca Plateau. I climbed down to the bottom of Tincha Falls with Saurabh and his four friends. Sharp rocks and a nearly vertical descent, but lots of handholds and footholds.

Having come off winter, the falls are dry. But there's a shallow pond at the bottom of it.

It's a long way down. But the view is lovely.

A lovely day! Clear blue skies.

The view from the bottom of the falls. A lone tree sheds no tears over the dry river.

Lord Ganesha guards the plains.

Saurabh notices an interesting arrangement of spring flowers.

It is February and the falls are dry. In June, this river would be filled with water and its banks with picnickers.

Farmlands are starting to sprout again with the coming of spring. This was a rare sight of greenery on the plain.

Taking a rest stop. It wasn't cold but we would only be getting back in the evening so sweaters were a necessity.

The guys.

The sunset over Tincha Falls lasts a long time. The dust over north India gives it the reddest tinge I've ever seen.
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