Conversation with Robert
Me: "My ambition is to make enough money so that I can buy domain name hosting for a thousand years."
Rob: "That's a Chinese thing to do."
Me: "How's that?"
Rob: "I mean leaving something for your ancestors."

For me I don't think it's so much Chinese as just an unwillingness to die quietly.

I've spent every year of my life searching for something. What I've found hasn't been what I thought I was looking for. I expected by this stage that I would be rich, famous or something. I thought through those things I would gain the respect I craved for. My life thus far has been barren of any of those things. I have not even found the self-confidence that might be a pre-requisite for fame and fortune.

I don't like myself any more than I did twenty years ago. That's why I guess I haven't found anybody I like to share my life with. Actually I haven't been looking. I'm the sort of person who will always be thinking "Why is she with me?". Then I'd feel trapped and try to push her as far as away as possible. I'd hate to be the sort of person to make someone else suffer like that.

I think I'll spend my entire life searching for something. As I chronicle it, I hope my journal might have enough drama, internal or external, to be worthwhile reading. That would be a really cool gift to try leaving to my descendants. An ancestor who was interesting.